I’ll hazard a guess that you are like me. Stop cringing.
What I mean is you love nearly every word in your manuscript. You infuse your sentences with wisdom, jocularity, or sorrow. Or at least you try to do that. Some sentences and paragraphs sing to you. Others mutter into their oatmeal.
I’ve spent time wondering why some sentences warble like Beverly Sills or Lady Gaga (note my clever multigenerational reference), and others have speech impediments and lie flat on the page.
The first kind of sentence propels the story forward or has the uncanny ability to stop the reader in their tracks to say, “Whoa. That is one heck of a sentence.” The flatfooted sentences also stop readers to give them a chance to think, “Why am I reading this drivel?”
Sure, sure, sure, some sentences play an important utilitarian role to set the scene, give the reader a chance to regroup, or help with pacing. Not every sentence can, or should, rock the world off its axis and cause the Pulitzer Prize Nominating Committee to wake up and smell the printer ink.
However, I have hundreds dozens many several one or two sentences in my novel that haunt me. Like a song stuck in my head, the words play on repeat. Every time I read/think about the words I think, “Hot damn, Robin. That is one heck of a sentence.”
(Here’s a little known fact. Songs stuck in your head are called ‘earworms.’ For my German readers, they are called ‘ohrwurms.’ Don’t believe me? Look it up.)
Do you have sentences or sections in your novel, poem, or letter to your illicit lover that sing to you? The ones that never fail to please? Or drive you crazy because you hear it in your head? Will you share it with us?
Here is mine. As a bit of an intro, my main character was selfish, brash, and overly confident . . . as in . . . downright unpleasant to be around. When her mom dies, she has a talk with herself.
“The last, and most important promise I made to myself was if Mom was alive, she would be proud of my behavior. I would make my life full of value, meaning, and friendship. I cast off my heavy coat of pomposity and donned a more comfortable one. It was made of humility and lined with humanity.”
Someone call Mr. Pulitzer. We have a winner.
What’s in your novel?
Now here is a sentence that sings.
I recently read a youth book titled “Map of Time” by Felix Palma. It was thoroughly enjoyable. The sentences were short….. easy to read…. None of the sentences were singing to me. Finished a 700-page book in just three days.
That is impressive. 700 pages in three days? Did you sleep?
Oh, yes. Little catnaps as usual. It was just such an easy read. I don’t think a single sentence was more than ten words. Certainly nothing like Stephen King can put together. Not to mention all the monosyllabic words.
The other thing about book publishing that I’ve always found funny is that children’s books have huge text and big leading. Then we get to adult books and the print is much smaller and the leading much closer together. What’s with that? When I read with my trifocals on, I read three books for the price of one!…..lol
Isn’t THAT the truth! Our eyesight gets worse and the print gets smaller! Preschools are brightly lit but romantic restaurants are like dungeons!
Ha! Don’t get me started on romantic restaurants!
I look rather fetching while straining to read the menu.
I look like an angry old blind man…….lol
My entire book haunts me, Robin! I connected with this post deeply. Good work.
Then I must read your book! You have a link on your blog, right?
Indeed I do. Thanks for all the support, Robin.
That’s a cracking last line.
I have lines in poems that I love, but not many. Even rarer is the occasional (always short) perfect poem.
Poems are never finished; just the best they can be for now.
I love it Tilly. Your poem is perfect.
That’s not a poem!
…or it wasn’t until you brought it up…
Sounds like poetry to me!
It is now a senryu, thanks to you!
I was tagged in the “Rule of 7″ game and gave a line from my last purchased story. I was told by one that it really hooked them, so I assume it has some of the qualities you speak of. Just pop over to my post on the “Rule of 7″ and take a look.
By the way, I have had an “earworm” since seeing Les Mis the other night. I keep hearing “I dreamed a dream”.
Scott
I just hopped over to your place for a look. Excellent Rule of 7 selection!
How did you like Les Mis?
I did a post on it, but, short version – I loved it! Didn’t know that Hugh Jackman could sing. Also, Amanda Seyfried has a beautiful voice. Great play all the way around.
Scott
I missed your post, but just checked it out. I think I want to see the movie. I am a bit leery about the length. I’d love to see it on Broadway. I’m sorry I never made it.
Except for just a few brief moments, you don’t notice the length. It enthralls you and entertains. Being in English this time allowed me to follow the story more, too.
Scott
I think I will give it a try. And . . . leave my husband home. He doesn’t do musical, historical, costumed movies.
Oh, he would hate this, then.
The previews make his toenails curl.
So, smaller shoes then?
I have a manuscript? And I’ve infused it with wisdom, jocularity and sorrow? And it sings to me? Does it say something like:
“Vinnie Cerra’s life was in the dumpster. Literally.
He had been shot four times, thrown into the trunk of his own car, driven from the bar in Red Bank in whose parking lot he had been ambushed, taken all the way to Perth Amboy and now he lay in a local dumpster behind a Seven Eleven just off the Garden State Parkway on a bed of stale, moldy doughnuts, coffee grounds, and a pile of used batteries. The used batteries were uncomfortable and leaking acid…”
Oh gosh . . . and then what happened? Did Vinnie get out?
To find out, go to:
http://curmudgeon-at-large.com/2012/05/23/in-the-dumpster/
Yikes! Didn’t see that coming!
Romance has unexpected consequences.
In Vinnie’s case, deadly consequences. Poor guy.
“Maycomb was an old town, but it was a tired old town when I first knew it. In rainy weather the streets turned to red slop; grass grew on the sidewalks, the courthouse sagged in the square. Somehow, it was hotter then: a black dog suffered on a summer’s day; bony mules hitched to Hoover carts flicked flies in the sweltering shade of the live oaks on the square. Men’s stiff collars wilted by nine in the morning. Ladies bathed before noon, after their three-o’clock naps, and by nightfall were like soft teacakes with frostings of sweat and sweet talcum.” The very best ever. HF
Wow. Did you write that? The passage reminds me of Olive Ann Burns’ Cold Sassy Tree . . . one of my all-time favorite books.
No, dear, but I sure wish I had. That is, of course, cause I know you’re teasing me, from To Kill a Mockingbird. HF
Oh gosh. I should have known. Another one of my all-time favorite books.
I’m so pleased to be back in WordPress world, and you never fail to deliver the goods
I have had John Williamson’s Old Man Emu stuck in my head last night since I You Tubed http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZLx4Os8TBs to win an argument with the G.O. about how you pronounce ‘emu’ correctly… anyway, your cow immediately changed my earworm (a new & interesting term for me) tune… I especially like the last line of your paragraph… I suspect from time to time I could do with a coat like that 
Oh great. Thanks, Ella Dee. Now that song is stuck in MY head. If you don’t pronounce emu like “E Moo,” how would one say it?
Old Man Emu is back in my head too… By way of explanation we were, as you do with the G.O., discussing the merits of bullbars, as we hope to being doing some outback travelling eventually, for preventing damage if our 4WD hits a kangaroo or emu… but the G.O. insisted, mysteriously for a 57 year old Aussie male, on pronouncing it ‘emm-you’. Thank goodness for the internet to resolve such matters
Okay . . . what is a bullbar?
A bullbar is a metal construction that’s fitted to the front of vehicles so if you hit a ‘roo the ‘roo bounces off rather than hitting the car windscreen or going up under the radiator… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullbar.
The G.O. currently has a smaller nudge bar which when we were in the country at our house a few weeks ago we hit a ‘roo ,the bar prevented any damage (to the car – poor ‘roo), but had the ‘roo been any bigger or smaller it would have made a mess of the car… The G.O. drives carefully to avoid the ‘roos but they are particularly bad on dusk when they come to the edges of the road to feed, and sometimes the buggers make a bad decision to jump in front of the vehicle instead of off the road…
Mostly bullbars are for country vehicles but some urban drivers also feel the need for 4WDs and bullbars to cope with city traffic!
I had no idea kangaroos are such a road hazard! Hitting one would break my heart.
Yes, I know…. I felt bad for the G.O…. when he came back from moving it off the road his eyes were big & sad
Awwwwwww.
I L.O.V.E what you do here, Robin. I’m open to good judgement of words and grammar and am always learning here. You are FAB-u-lous, Robin.
You are FAB-u-ous too, Tess! I L.O.V.E how you spell!
I like the paragraph you shared from your book. It’s simple and packed with emotion of your character. Sometimes the most simple sentences work best.
From Sons of the Edisto, Chapter 1:
“Eliza picks up a thin rooster, and holds him to her chest. Tears stream down her face. Owen recalls her winning the creature at a county fair in October. Lucky, the rooster, is not anything special. The last rooster in the Alston chicken coop, Ol’ Ben, had to be three times the size of this worn-out looking bird.” ~(C.) R.T. Dickinson, 2006-2013
My grandfather dyed a rooster so his father would not kill it because “it didn’t do its job with the hen.”
Thank you again, Robin!
Great lines! Poor old bird! You painted a picture in my mind.
Thank you, Robin! I don’t write about animals too much, but I do think they add something to a story in the YA genre. Thank you for your kind words!
I’ve never tried to write a novel, but I did come up with a joke that I love:
“Do you like kids?”
“Yes, but only in moderation.”
That is hysterical. You should do stand-up comedy!
I would, but I’m too short.
When I was younger I attempted some screenplays. One in particular has an ending which I really like, and occaisionally go back to read for what it gives me.
How nice to see you back. Did you have a nice break?
Yes. More regular work, but also some fun time with the family.
That is quite the paragraph, Robin! I love the coat metaphor.
There are some parts in my novel that make me stop and think, “Wow, I wrote this?” Then I’d consider myself silly for being impressed with myself, haha. None come to mind right now, but there’s one sentence that’s a favourite of mine:
“Norms are just unspoken rules society set for us without our consent.”
Thanks Zen! I think the same thing . . . “I wrote that?” Sometimes in awe, sometimes in horror!
I’m kind a fond of this one:
Billy Johansen lived every day of his life twice. As far as he was concerned, even once was too many.
No wonder you are fond of it. Fantastic.
Lol, right now with my novel (which I haven’t looked at for a while!) I just think it’s not great. Parts of it sound good, other parts are cringeworthy!
I love your multi-generational references, by the way!
Isn’t it funny how we have love/hate relationships with our writing. One moment we love it, the next we are wondering what we are doing. However, I bet you are being hypercritical about your novel.
Hmm… I’m not so sure. Maybe I just need to write another novel and see how that goes.
Thank you, Robin! 
There’s something wonderful about a character planning to change that’s encapsulated in your para, Robin. Marvellous.
Thanks, Polly!
That’s one helluva paragraph. I have no such sentences of my own. Since I’m not a fiction writer, I don’t get to craft prose like that very often. I’ll have to see if I can come up with some good stuff.
What do you mean? You craft prose with your every post!
Here’s another post for my author’s notebook! Thanks!
You are welcome, Judith!
I love the cow pun
That gave me a good giggle this morning.
I’m not sure what my favorite sentence or section is in my books, but I did have someone write to me the other day to tell me one of their favorites (I love it when that happens!)
Here it is (from my short story “Unplugged”)
“There is a voice in my head. A thunderous voice that hurls heavy phrases through the attic of my mind. It slams painful words against the back of my eyes and whispers obscenities into my ears. It scrapes its claws down my blackboard of sanity and hammers at the door of my being. I push the voice deeper and deeper into the orchestra pit of my soul, where it fiddles and festers and waits for a drama to unleash its crescendo on an unsuspecting audience.”.
Wow. That is a marvelous paragraph. So visual and infused with raw emotion. You should see someone about that voice. Tee hee.
I know – I’m weird! The story is about a girl who thinks she’s Dorothy Gale (from the Wizard of Oz) and she has a witch flying around in her head. It was a lot of fun to write!
What a great premise for a story. I bet it was fun to write.
Hmm, I think some of my lines are fun, others are suspenseful, and a few are meaningful. We’ll see what my betas say about Summer at the Crossroads when I ship it out to them next month.
But here are a few from that manuscript that I think are fun. Whether others will agree is another story.
As they lay in bed, Kathryn nestled close to him. “When this situation is resolved and life gets back to normal, you can have anything you want. . . . As long as it’s legal and not a violation of government security.”
Mikhail chuckled softly. “Damn,” he whispered. “I hoped you would fall asleep before you got to that last part.”
Fantastic! You captured “playful” in a few sentences. I want to meet this Mikhail dude.
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Oh, as a teacher, I love puns! You’ve captured my heart, and won yourself a new follower:-) I hope I have some singing sentences in 18 Things *fingers crossed*
I am a lover o’puns myself. The cornier, the better.
I saw you over at Jenny’s place today. The 18 Things intrigues me . . . but I want more than 18! Call me greedy! That’s ok. Everyone else does.
Thanks for the follow!
Holy cow, you’re unpurposely reinforcing my theory of the daily cow sighting. Did you know about my daily cow blog?
http://mydailycow.wordpress.com/
Now everyone that’s read your post today has seen at least one cow for the day.
I like your sentence a lot, even out of context. I love spotting these sentences out of a book when I read. As soon as I read one, I go, wow, let me read that again!
I will now pay attention to if I see a cow image, or the real thing, everyday.
The best thing about the Kindle is being able to highlight favorite sentences/passages in books. I’ll often go back to see what I’ve highlighted after I’ve finished reading the book. Also, you can see what other people highlighted. Sometimes I scratch my head and say, “They highlighted THAT?”
Wait, how does your Kindle know what other people highlighted? Does it share that information with everyone? Or do you allow it to? Does this sound a little too much like Big Brother or am I missing something?
With your permission, Kindle gathers up what people highlights and says, “546 people highlighted this.” It is Big Brother-ish, but I think (hope) it is harmless.
Wow, interesting. It’s like borrowing a book from the library and see what people have highlighted (as if it were their own book…).
Like buying a used textbook.
I quite often come up with really good sentences (she says modestly), maybe for an opening, or an ending, the trouble is I usually don’t have any story to go around them!
I love yours by the way.
My Neil is always going on about earworms, I don’t like that word! Maybe I could do a post about them though…
Yes. By all means. Do a post about seagulls with head lice and earworms. Lovely.
Yes, those sentences definitely sing. What a delightful post. I’ve only had one book published – I will now search it!
Can’t wait to see what you come back with.
I like the whole thing–but I particularly like the last two sentences–they say so much in just a few words.
The last two sentences stick in my head. When I say them to myself, I can’t get them out of my head for days. I should see someone about that.
nope – they are good – I understand why they stick in your head
I’m working on my first novel and I know what you mean about sentences that sing to you. In fact, I’m strongly considering turning my book into an opera.
Thanks for the post.
I love it. A novel set to music. It will be the next Les Mis.
Yep, this is definitely a wonderful paragraph you shared here. My trouble (with such sentences) is slightly different. I think I’ve written a powerful sentence or two, then I read my critique group’s sentences (or Robin’s) and think, “Wow, why didn’t I think of that. Mine sucks now.” Go figure. The good news out of all of this is, knowing such prolific writers in person and here online, it teaches me a thing or two.
I somehow doubt your sentences suck, as you say. However, that is what beta readers are for!
I hope you have a ton of puns like “no udder lover” and plan to post them. Here’s my sentence, at the end of a paragraph in my non-fiction work:
“Walking at a pace that matches the world around me, I find a new rhythm to my life, one built around elephant footsteps and breathing. Years pass as we cross this dry lagoon. My back faces everything I have known. More and more of the words inside my head break apart into silence.”
Wow. That is wonderful. It makes me want to read more. “Break apart into silence” sings to me.
Thank you! It’s always great to get feedback about our writing, isn’t it?
Your passage is indeed wonderful. Don’t blame you for hearing music in it.
I’ve always liked the following sentences in my book, not for its prose but for its meaning: “Maybe some of the best decisions were made in the blink of an eye, the kind that allowed no time for egos or self-serving outcomes. The kind that forced people to do what was right.”
Excellent. It is from when she takes the husband to see his dying wife, right?
No, it’s on one of the last pages. But I can’t say more, or I’ll give stuff away.
Tight-lipped as usual. You are master at a cliffhanger.
I know where those sentences come from, Carrie, and I love them. Great way to set the stage for what happened next.
Thanks!
Terrible puns are in my play.
And I love a terrible pun. The cornier, the better.
I have no novel, but I can’t wait to hear it sing someday–I hope! I love when words come together in a melodic way, such that we want to read them over and over, like the way I love to sip my coffee slowly so I can taste that warm, velvety sweetness as many times as possible! Your sentence was very visual. I love the idea of casting off the “old garment” and putting on the new. The apostle Paul used similar imagery in some of his letters to early churches. I’ve always liked the contrast between old and new…pride and humility…and it certainly makes me want to read your novel!
I also have to say I totally enjoyed the cow picture. A corny, silly laugh was exactly what I needed amid the heaviness of things going on on my husband’s career. I think I will go back and look at the cow again, while daydreaming about symphonic sentences!
–Alison.
Are you working on a novel?
I love when a sentence makes me pause and think, “I wish I wrote that.” They can be lyrical and melodic without being overblown and overwritten. I don’t go for flowery. My tastes lean toward imagery.
As a huge Beatles fan, the cow and song lyrics cracked me up. Maybe you should show it to your husband and give him a little laugh. Good luck to you both with the “heaviness.”
I like your intro very much, Robin. This sentence is my favorite: “I cast off my heavy coat of pomposity and donned a more comfortable one.” None of mine sing.
Ha! I was just over at your place!
I don’t believe none of your sentences sing. Not true.
And the sentence for that picture?
Snickle snort!
It made me snickle snort!
You know I love the way some words sound in my head, and that paragraph from your book cues up Madeline Kahn (from Blazing Saddles) in my head.
It sings.
I haven’t seen that movie in years. Remind me of how she uses the line . . .
Sheriff Bart and Lili von Shtupp “get together” and Lili releases a one note melody in her rapture.
She does something like that in “Young Frankenstein” too!
Maybe I’m confused. At my age, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.
“Ooooooooooooh, sweet mystery of life at last I’ve found you.” – Young Frankenstein
“Oooooooh, it’s twue, it’s twue what they say about you.” – Blazing Saddles
Young Frankenstein is my all-time-top-of-the-list-favorite movie. Don’t get me started on quoting more lines. Too late. Here we go:
“What hump?”
“Walk this way.”
“Could be worse. Could be raining.”
“What knockers. Shank you, professor.”
“Nice hopping.”
“The nails, darling. The nails.”
Just to name a few.
“Abi something.”
“Some varm milk perhaps? …Ovaltine?”
How did I forget those two lines?!? How about “He was my boyfriend!”
“Roll in the hay, roll in the hay…Vould you like to have a roll in the hay?”
“Werewolf.”
“There wolf. There castle.”
That cow photo is hilarious. Terrible puns, but hilarious. Thanks for sharing it here.
I love me a good pun.