Here, for your reading pleasure, is the rest of the list of funny takes on grammar “rules.” Message to Tilly Bud over at The Laughing Housewife: the second rule on the list is for you. Not because I want you to stop with the puns, but because I hope the pun makes you grown (pun intented). If you want/need a daily laugh, visit Ms. Tilly Bud’s blog.
If you missed Part 1 of the “rules” – click right here.
▪ If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
▪ Puns are for children, not groan readers.
▪ Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
▪ Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
▪ Who needs rhetorical questions?
▪ Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
▪ The passive voice should never be used.
▪ Do not put statements in the negative form.
▪ Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
▪ A writer must not shift your point of view.
▪ Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
▪ Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
▪ If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
▪ Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
▪ Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
▪ Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
▪ Always pick on the correct idiom.
▪ The adverb always follows the verb.
▪ Be careful to use the rite homonym.
▪ Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Thank you to Jenni Larsen for submitting these rules to curiouser.co.uk.
Robin Coyle 