Tags
editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips
“Then” was brought to my attention by SubtleKate. Best wishes to Kate as she is having surgery on Friday.
My characters did this. Then my characters did that. I reduced 69 “then-s” to 28. I should give the remaining 28 a second look. If you describe what happens next in the story, the “then” is implied. Let’s take a look.
I joined Sir Paul’s fan club, wire tapped his phone, and then stalked his dog-walker.
Why the dog-walker, not Paul?
I joined Sir Paul’s fan club and wire tapped his phone. The police arrested me when I stalked his dog-walker.
~~~~~
Paul hired me as a housekeeper and then I devised a plan to steal his gold records.
Dastardly of you.
Paul hired me as a housekeeper, which gave me the opportunity to steal his gold albums.
~~~~~
I gushed over Paul during the interview and then censored myself for sounding like a groupie.
I would gush too.
I gushed over Paul during the interview until he rang for his army of bodyguards.
~~~~~
I planned my escape route from the mansion, ran it by James Bond, and then made off with Paul’s gold records.
You know James Bond?
I planned my escape route from the mansion, ran it by James Bond over martinis, and was arrested for stealing Paul’s gold records.
~~~~~
Until then, I wasn’t afraid of Paul’s bodyguards.
You should have been. I’ve seen ’em.
Until I saw their guns, I thought I could sweet-talk Paul’s bodyguards into letting me keep the records.
Robin Coyle 
Then is a sneaky little bugger. It’s one that crops up in my students’ writing all the time! Usually because they don’t take the time to think about making their writing more interesting… Interestingly enough, even when you are trying hard to make your writing entertaining, it’s really easy for these little buggers to sneak in as unwanted extras in your show when they shouldn’t gain credit! 😉
What is happening with your teaching job? Weren’t you moving soon? Did your plans change?
“Then” does sneak in our writing. It is usually unneeded and slows the readability.
I’m telling Sir Paul on you and then I’m having a margarita.
Please don’t tattle on me. Oh, and I like my margaritas with salt on the rim. What time should I be over?
I think ‘then’ is probably one I use a lot, its almost like a slight pause for thought that you fill with a word.
If that is the case, I pause a lot in my writing!
Nice to have you back! Sorry for the guilt trip . . .
Haha, no it’s fine, I’m the same, I notice if someone who comments regularly suddenly doesn’t for a while!
I suspect summer vacations has something to do with it.
Been away and missed your humour.
How nice to have you back!
I’ll be going through other weak words and then going after then. Yikes!
Yes, go through your manuscript “then” let me know what you found.
What’s even worse that “then” is when idiots write “than” when they mean “then,” and vice versa. It’s amazingly common.
Yup . . . I see the mix-up all the time.
I’m am now going to go through each of these when I edit my story.
These are great tips, while allowing a boost in word counts.
Have you done the “W”s? When, which, where, while, what and how?
Scrap that, I’ll hire you as an editor.
Interesting that your word count is going up. I’ve lost about 3,000 words. Not just from eliminating the weak words, but general housekeeping around the words. I often found a weak supporting sentence next to the sentence with the weak word. When I strengthened the weak word, there wasn’t the need for the supporting sentence. Did that make sense?
I have not done posts on the “W”s but will take a look to see if I should. Have you found them to be a problem? If so, how?
I will gladly be your editor. I fancy a trip to Australia!
I dunno, maybe I just seem to overuse them personally. Or there’s just so many W’s it just seems that way. Everyone’s their own worse critic(until some troll comes along).
I also try to not use ‘and’ when I can, especially when describing scenery.
Hey! You callin’ me a troll? Tee hee.
I’ll let you know what I find out with my “W” word search.
How do you not use “and?”
As well, also, lastly, including, but not pertaining to, with; including this trick.
Nah, I don’t think you can pull of being a troll. Maybe a grammar Nazi, but not a troll.
Phew. I’m not a troll!
I always make the mistake of using too much “then” when writing! Thank you for showing how it could be done in better (and funnier) ways.
Then is easy to fall back on but it often is just filler and can be eliminated easily. Do you find that to be the case?
Yep! Once you notice them they can be easily changed.
… and then you woke up 🙂
From dreaming about Paul?
Yes… You should consider gifting signed copies of your Strong vs Weak Words book to Sir Paul as a token of you affection 😉
Excellent idea. That is a sure way to win my way into his heart!
…and then robin said, you have to get ride of those sticky thens.
Thanks for your good wishes, you wonderful woman.
Ha ha! I am now not only the “Unneeded-Word-Evil-Queen,” but also a wonderful woman! Love it!
These posts are fantastic. Don’t stop now!
Not to worry, I have more! Nag, nag, nag, right? I think it is so cool that you the artiste, is following me, the wanna-be writer!
Well, this artiste likes to write and I love your posts!
That makes me happy!
I love it when I can laugh out loud and learn at the same time. You witty, witty girl.
Or, silly, silly girl! But I’m glad I made you laugh!
For illuminating us all on how we use our words, here’s the Illuminating Blogger Award:
http://bringingeuropehome.com/2012/07/18/is-there-an-award-for-procrastination/
Have at it. 😉
I’m flattered and tickled. An award, pour moi!? How lovely. Thank you so much!
What then? Ooops. What do you mean?
I believe these are my worst offenders: thens.
But they are easy to nuke! But “then” what?
I have had a hard time with thens in my query letter. When trying to condense 100,000 words into a paragraph it’s easy to say blah blah, then blah blah. I have been working on getting rid of them and will now redouble my efforts.
Argh! The dreaded query letter! When someone says, “What’s your book about?” I say, “Er, Um, Eh, Well, I, Gee, Hmmm.” Not terribly articulate!
This shall be an easy one to obliterate, and then I’ll treat myself to a nice glass of wine. 🙂
I’ll be right over. Shall I bring appetizers to have with our wine?
Yes please, nothing too heavy though. I’m watching my figure.
You! Ha! But ok . . . veggies and a yogurt-based dill dip it is.
It’s funny that this is today’s word—I only recently realized how many thens I use. Sometimes I find that it’s just the word I need, but more often than not I get rid of them.
When Kate brought up “then” in one of her comments, I thought,” Surely “then” isn’t a problem for moi!” HA! 69 of the buggers!
I am so guilty of ‘then’. It is my weakness. I try to eliminate them and the dang word appears somewhere else. I will continue to assault them with my weak word zapper but I fear they may have me beaten.
You have a “weak word zapper?” I want one of those!
Fortunately, unneeded “then-s” are easy to zap.
Definitely! Learning and also trying to implement what I am learning from you into my daily blogs.. =)
Daily blogs? I have seen any from you in a long time! I’m off to check my settings. Weird. I’ve had other blogs drop off my email notification list.
Oh, and glad the series is feeding into you blog writing too! Excellent news.
ha ha..WP did the same to me a while back and I stopped receiving posts from a lot of bloggers..
Yup . . . email alerts turned to “never” along with a couple other blogs. Problem solved!
I have a lot of “then”s in my manuscript. Please overlook them. 🙂
“Then?” What “thens?” I don’t see any! 😉
Thatta girl!
Hey! Your new photo was on the sidebar of the email notification of your comment! Very nice. No need for a retake of that one! You look terrific!
Well, that’s weird. I didn’t use my book photo, but I did put up a new Google image photo (and yes, it’s one of the JC Penney’s pics). Do you have a gmail email? I didn’t realize they sent photos with it.
I do have a gmail account. When I clicked on the thumbnail of your photo it took me to your Google+ profile thing-y.
Ahh, that explains it.
Keep the strong vs weak words posts coming!
I am definitely learning a lot Robin!
I have more up my sleeve!
We are learning together, right? Thanks for your support of the series.