My husband and I are in Los Angeles right now. To be precise, we are in Westlake Village, which is 30 miles west of Hollywood. My husband is here for a conference and I am here to be his arm-candy.
Westlake is the only village I know of that has 8,000-square-foot cottages with 8-figure price tags, and come with pools, armed guards, and indoor tennis courts. The downtrodden masses here endure glorious sunshine most days, and are forced to bundle up when the temperature drops below 75 degrees. A common side effect of being rich is thin blood. That is why Charlie Sheen loads sweet young things into his mansion, er, cottage, right up the street from our hotel.
I’m a born and raised Californian, but Los Angeles is a foreign country to me. They do things differently here. Let me give you a few examples.
We are staying at the ever-so-swanky Four Seasons hotel. I highly recommend this place o’pampering and celebrity treatment. They treat you like a movie star here because for all they know, you are one. Heck, Britney Spears (not a movie star unless you call the Mickey Mouse Club excellence in cinema) got on the elevator with me when I was on the way to the gym to work out. She was on her way to the bar. Or maybe it was the other way around.
Next to the hotel’s fancy-dancy spa is the California Health and Longevity Institute. The beautiful people of Westwood Village, meaning everyone who lives here, goes to the Institute for personal training, cosmetic and restorative dentistry (read veneers), acupuncture, acupressure, and energy healing, and dermatology and cosmetic treatments (read plastic surgery), etc.
My husband and I took a cooking class in the Institute’s wellness kitchen today. Chef in residence, Paulette Lambert, taught the interactive class. She is a registered dietitian and certified diabetic educator. Paulette was personable, cute-as-a-button, and a wealth of information. She also is a TV star as the dietician for Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition.
Note to self: Robin, you do not need to sauté everything in four tablespoons of butter. Otherwise, you might be the star on the next season of Extreme Makeover.
The Health and Longevity institute was founded/funded by Dole Food Company’s billionaire owner, David Murdock. Coincidentally, I read in the Los Angeles Times today that Mr. Murdock’s 8-acre estate in Bel Air, California held the record for the highest-price home transaction for over a decade, with a price tag of $94-million. Who knew there is so much money in canned fruit? (A home in Woodside, California recently sold for $117.5-million, breaking Mr. Murdock’s record. I hear he was crushed-pineapple over the fall of his record.)
Los Angeles does cars like Debbie does Dallas. Not exactly, but Los Angelinos have a love affair with their cars. Good thing, because they spend half of their life sitting in their cars while stuck in artery-clogged traffic jams. The freeways here look like used luxury car sales lots. The cars here don’t come with mundane names like Ford or Toyota. If you don’t know how to spell Lamborghini, you can’t afford one.
I ran to the grocery store to buy a bottle of wine. Why? I paid $14 for a single glass of wine at the hotel bar. A bottle of El Cheapo at the grocery store was $9. While loading my jug of hooch into the car, one of the checkout ladies got into her car, which was parked next to mine. Apparently, her workday was at an end. Nothing against Los Angeles grocery clerks, but they can afford to drive Jaguars?
Lastly, I cruised around the charming Old Town Pasadena one afternoon. A store clerk said to me, “Don’t you look nice. Are you from out-of-town?” I said, “Yes, I am. How did you know?”
With a snort, she said, “Women don’t wear anything but jeans and tee shirts in Los Angeles. Ever.”
I guess I shouldn’t have worn my tiara and ermine stole while shopping. It was a dead giveaway that I was a foreigner.
Why do those tongs look suspiciously ;like a weapon in your hands? Have you been reading my dungeon posts?
I wield tongs like a saber. Watch out dragon cutlets!
I think that if the people in Westlake Village claimed anything other than Westlake Village, it would not be Los Angeles. It would be Malibu! Hope you got to tour Malibu and Point Mugu while you were there.
I didn’t venture into Malibu this trip but have been there before. Also, I spent the first 10 years of my life living in Oxnard. My dad was stationed at Point Mugu. I bet it has changed a lot since I lived there.
I’ve only been to California once, back in 1990, but Los Angeles was the odd one out of the places we visited. Everywhere else had a similar vibe, LA a different one.
Did Britney say “I read your post on Freshly Pressed?” Maybe she was shy to mention it 🙂
Britney asked for my autograph, but I refused to give it to her. I am a diva, after all. I must maintain my aloofness.
You can’t give your autograph to just ANYBODY. Well done for standing by your principles 🙂
LA is a bit different isn’t it? I live in Orange County so not too far south, but thankfully a little different in some ways. I like visiting LA, (especially Amoeba records), but I wouldn’t want to live there. Hope you enjoyed it all, it sounds like you did.
I do love Los Angeles, in spite of my flippant words here. It has to much to offer. We’ll be in Newport Beach the first week in March for another conference. I’m looking forward to exploring the area.
You had me at “arm-candy” and I just rolled along like a bouncy ball though the rest of the post… I laughed, I learnt some stuff, and I remembered feeling the same way about LA from my visit there in 2000… it’s an easy place to have a little crush on. At the time I thought I could live here… for just a little while… nothing serious, a good time, not a long time…
I could live in certain parts of the LA area as well, as long as I didn’t have to commute! I don’t know how they do it. Their live-span must be much shorter than ours. Glad you enjoyed the post! It was fun to write.
Sounds like you’re having/had a wonderful time, Robin. You look so cute in your apron with your tongs. I think that would be a fun experience. As ice came down again last night, and I’m slightly frozen this morning, I envy your trip to LA. I’ve only been there once, but had the pleasure of staying at Century Plaza, which I believe isn’t too far from the Four Seasons. I was enamored with everything. Of course, things may have changed over the last ten (cough) thirty years or so. 😉
The cooking class was fantastic. The hotel was fantastic. The weather was fantastic. Did I mention the whole trip was fantastic?
I bet you look very fetching in a tiara…
Check out today’s post over at my blog for a much-deserved shout-out, Robin.
I never leave home without my tiara! Thanks for the mention. I am now in The Hook hall-of-fame.
And rightly so!
Get you, living it up like a celeb! Next time can I come too, pretty please? I won’t be any trouble…well, I’ll do my best not to be anyway.
I’d love to have you come along. We can get in trouble together!
I would LOVE that!
Note to self — Don’t pack tiara. Got it. But whatever will I do if no one knows I’m a princess?
Your lady-in-waiting will be a dead giveaway.
Hmmmm. Hadn’t thought of that. 🙂
Los Angeles seems to me as though the place aliens will first land — then gods help the rest of the world!
No, no, no . . . you have it all wrong. The aliens already landed in Los Angeles.
Guffaw! Ha, ha, ha, ha!!!
Arm-candy not eye-candy? Still a great deal for hubby. Ha ha. Sounds like you had a blast in ‘valley of the dolls’.
I’m arm-candy AND eye-candy, thank you very much.
I can’t imagine Los Angeles NOT being an alien land to anyone who doesn’t live there. The idea of going there scares and repels me. And I wish I could have been there to smack that store clerk for you.
I know I was flippant about LA, but I do love LA. Fabulous beaches, beautiful people to watch, great shopping, the arts, and Disneyland. The happiest place on earth!
I live on one side of LA and my critique group meets on the other. So I drive past the center of downtown LA once a month. I don’t stop.
In defense of my “home town”, though, I have to say the traffic in San Diego is pretty much as bad now as it is here. (I’ve got a friend who lives down there, and I visit her sometimes.) The air quality is way better than it was when I was in college, too. There used to be days you couldn’t see the San Gabriel Mountains from downtown Pasadena. That really doesn’t happen any more.
As you know, we were blessed with beautiful weather while we were in LA (we are on our way home now). In spite of my tongue and cheek post here, I love LA. Our daughter went to UCLA so we spent a lot of time handing around Santa Monica, Westwood, Bel Air, and Beverly Hills. Not bad places to hang out!
I don’t know how to spell Lambrollatini.
Oh well. My KIA Spectra still runs.
Lambrollatini sounds like something you would find on an Italian restaurant menu!
That car does sound delicious.
Note to writers: Ms Coyle has given us a great example on how to end paragraphs to ensure the reader keeps reading and wanting more of the same. Here are her last sentences of each paragraph:
My husband is here for a conference and I am here to be his arm-candy.
That is why Charlie Sheen loads sweet young things into his mansion, er, cottage, right up the street from our hotel.
She was on her way to the bar. Or maybe it was the other way around.
A home in Woodside, California recently sold for $117.5-million, breaking Mr. Murdock’s record. I hear he was crushed-pineapple over the fall of his record.
If you don’t know how to spell Lamborghini, you can’t afford one.
I guess I shouldn’t have worn my tiara and ermine stole while shopping. It was a dead giveaway that I was a foreigner.
Well done, RC. HF
Oh Harper . . . your comment here made my day. You flatter me, and I love it! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll be grinning all day.
So very true and so well deserved. HF
Thank you, kind sir.
That’s the way it’s done. Robin knows.
Aw, shucks.
I was just there in October!
So cool that you took a class. We just did an overnighter on our way to Santa Barbara. I love the jeans and t-shirt comment. I love how the Boulder casual effect has spread out west!
The cooking class was really good. Paulette talked about making small changes in how you think about and cook food. She didn’t sound preachy or holier than thou. Cut fats, sugars, and salt . . . boost use of herbs and spices, eat plant foods, cut protein portions down to 6 ounces for men and 4 ounces for women, etc. We learned a ton!
That is great advice and sounds like a lot of fun!
How the other half lives!
You must be able to get a book out of it, surely?
I think the book has been written . . . “Valley of the Dolls.”
😀
It sounds like you’re having a ball, Robin. I giggled all the way through this post, you certainly know how to capture a reader’s attention (starting with arm-candy!) 😀
Make sure you carry your manuscript everywhere in case you trip over a hot-shot film producer 😉
We are on our way home now, but we did have a blast. I do love LA, even tho I made fun of certain aspects of it.
Yeah . . . a hot-shot producer cowered in the corner of the elevator when I tried to hand him my manuscript. They are funny that way.
Cute post! I got to visit LA once, but not at the Four Seasons!!! What fun:-)
The Four Seasons knows how to do the hotel thing. Beautifully appointed spaces and they bend over backwards to make you feel welcome.
Such a great post! It brought me home again!love that smog filled city and all it’s flash. And why can’t you fry chicken in lard, anyway? Sounds like a great time. I’d love a few days like that!
In spite of my wise-cracks here, I do love the Los Angeles area. Sure, there are places one best avoid (Watts), but Westwood, Westlake, Santa Monica, Bel Air, Beverly Hills, etc . . . love it.
I hear you! I live in San Diego and have no interest in going to LA. Every time I’ve driven through it, I’ve enjoyed staring at the huge yellowish brown layer of smog covering the whole area, as well as the horrendous traffic.
Your out of town dress comment is very funny. Every candid photo of celebrities in LA shows them in jeans and T-shirts. I think I’d fit right in!
The funny thing is I wasn’t wearing anything fancy . . . pair of black slacks, blouse, and cardigan.
That’s not jeans and T-shirt. 🙂
I would fit right in — it is hard to get me to wear anything but jeans — great post–you are one entertaining girl – maybe you are a star and don’t know it — by the way I am missing my tiara (yes I wear it with my jeans)
Ok . . . I’ll return your tiara and stole tomorrow. Sorry I took it without asking.
you are always wecome to anything I have
Sounds like they put you guys up in a very nice place, though sometimes I think LA is a different planet, not just different country. 🙂 As for the wine thing…sooo would’ve been doing the same thing.
The hotel is fantastic. Beautifully appointed and on lovely grounds. The price of a glass of wine made me rather mad tho! Highway robbery.
No doubt. Fancy hotel bars/restaurants get to charge ungodly amounts. At one of the Gaylord hotels a friend & I wound up paying about $140 for one bottle.
A “jug of hooch” ? Whoa! 🙂
Yup . . . jug of hooch out of a paper bag. I’m so classy.
Los Angeles has never been on my list of places I want to go. Your post hasn’t changed my mind. 🙂
Well . . . I have to admit that in spite of my wise-cracking here, I love Los Angeles. There is so much to do and the weather is fantastic. We were in LA last March and it was 90 degrees! The beaches were packed. Expecting typical March weather, all I packed were wool slacks and sweaters. I roasted!
How can you improve on your cooking? You’re one of the best cooks I know. Jut say yes to butter and lard!
Oh Katie . . . you flatter me! I’m on my way over with some of my famous lo-cal bean dip.
Wow, your run-around-town outfit must be smashing, Robin. Do you and Carrie have the same wildcat boots?
I am jealous of your stay at the Four Seasons. Those are amazing. What I would give to have someone pick up my dirty towel and make my bed!!!! ; )
Have a wonderful time. Don’t enjoy your hooch too much while being arm candy.
No . . .Carrie has the corner wildcat boots. I wore my platform, thigh-high, stiletto, patent-leather boots and a leopard mini skirt. Was that too over the top?
Patent leather and leopard print minis are never over-the-top. Keep it up, girl.
At fifty shades of something, it is a hard look to pull off, but I rock it.
What fun!
Tis!
The Four Seasons, huh? Your conference’s digs definitely trump my magic conference digs. By far. Oh well, at least I still have my wild cat boots…
Have a great time! You deserve it!!
I wish you and your son were st the conference dinner last night. They had a strolling magician during the cocktail hour doing close magic. Then after dinner they had a couple who were mind readers. They had me pick a random word out of a magazine and concentrate on it. Then, the gal word the word on a white board. She got it right . . . “Independence.” How the hell did she do that?
Oh, he would have loved that! And now I’m intrigued, because I figured they always used plants for those “mind” tricks. But obviously you weren’t a plant, so how DID she do it?
She also came into the ballroom with a blown-up balloon with a lottery ticket inside it. She asked 5 or 6 people to select a number. Then she popped the balloon and had an audience member read off the lottery ticket numbers. They all matched the numbers the audience members picked. How the heck!?!?!?!? I know all the people she selected and they weren’t plants either!
Ask your son to do some research for us!
Will do!