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Must you be published before you can call yourself a writer? Of course not!

People who golf have no problem calling themselves golfers even though they aren’t on the pro-circuit with Tiger Infidel Woods. (It is a little known fact that Tiger’s ex-wife insisted he change his middle name as part of the divorce settlement.)

Never mind Tiger . . . we writers are a funny lot.

Being comfortable calling myself a writer took a long time. I’m still not completely comfortable with saying it. When people ask me what I do and I say, “I am a writer,” I hold my breath. I cringe and wait for them to say, “Oh yeah? Sez who, smarty-pants?”

That isn’t my point here. My point is, if you write, you can call yourself a writer.

My problem is I’m not writing.

Oh sure, I write the occasional blog post or grocery list. But . . . I am not working on my novel or pulling the Strong vs. Weak Word posts together for the next best writing-style book since Strunk and White sliced white bread.

Something’s gotta give.

I love blogging and reading your blogs. My writing is better because you all set the bar high in terms of getting ideas across. Plus, having an audience makes me not want to flub my lines.

But blogging takes So Much Freaking Time. I preach to the choir here, I know.

My novel, In Search of Beef Stroganoff, is 99.9% finished. The Strong vs. Weak Words book is all but written. All I need to do is pull them off my blog, spit polish those puppies, then et viola. C’est fini.

What is stopping me from finishing my two books? You . . . you, selfish, selfish people. How dare you write interesting blogs, post fabulous photos, and tickle my funny bone. Harrumph. Stop that.

You know where I am going with this.

I am taking a blogging break.

Oh sure, I’ll lurk in the shadows and stalk you when I need a writing break, good laugh, or belly rub. I will post something when the spirit moves me or to give you an update on my progress. But I have to give you a break from me and give the writer in me some attention.

As Arnold Infidel Schwarzenegger said, “I’ll be back.”

Let me leave you with a parting gift. Want to speak with an Australian accent so you can impress your friends? It is easy.

In your normal speaking voice say, “rise up lights.” It helps if you say it out loud.

You just said “razor blades” so Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, and Huge Jackman can finally understand you.

You are welcome.

On a side note, Keith and Huge don’t use a razor blade (or “rise up lights” for us Americans) often because Nicole is fond of their 5 o’clock shadow.

See you in the funny papers.

Living Will

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