Stand Up Straight!

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Lumo Lift, Poor Poster, Stand up straight, writers, writing

Me, standing up straight. (Photo credit: nicknacknickers)

Are you like me and miss the days when your mom would slap you upside the head and say, “Stand up straight!”

Ah . . . those were the days.

Well, long no more. There is a new product that will stand in for your mom. It is called the Lumo Lift. There is a similar device called the iPosture.

Lumo Lift is an electronic sensor you wear on your upper body and when you slouch, you get zapped with something akin to a cattle prod.  Perhaps it is more like a gentle nudge, but you get the idea. The bolt of electricity through your body reminds you to sit or stand up straight. The device also measures how many steps you take and how many calories you burn each day and sends the data to the NSA.

The makers of Lumo Lift say you will look slimmer, be more attractive, and your confidence will improve. Sign me up! It sounds like the miracle drug I’ve been trying to concoct in my garage.

All joking aside, I think every writer should buy the Lumo Lift. I’ll hazard a guess and say that along with a penchant for drinking scotch at two in the afternoon (because it made Hemingway look cool), all writers slump over their computer. My aching shoulders will attest to that. Look, I am slouching right now.

Now you know what to get me for my birthday.

For a writer, that misfortune is writer’s block. (Photo credit: Viorentina)

 

No Corkscrew? No Problem!

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writers, writing

Picture this tragic scenario.

It is 10 in the morning and you are pouring blood, sweat, and tears into your manuscript. The words aren’t flowing and writer’s block is setting up camp in your brain. Just when you are about to succumb to the depths of despair and defeat, you remember you hid a lovely bottle of wine in your underwear drawer. Not one of those screw cap jobbies, but one with an honest-to-goodness cork.

Sure, it is Two Buck Chuck, but no matter. It is wine . . . your favorite writing tool.

But alas and alack, in a brash and ill-advised attempt to curtail your 10 am drinking habit, you removed all the corkscrews from the house the day before. What is a writer to do!?

Fear not. I can help you out here.

Go to your closet and grab a shoe. You heard me right. I said a shoe.

Watch the educational video below to learn how you, yes you, can open a bottle of wine with a shoe. I kid you not.

You can thank me later.

I Know a Thing or Two About Writing

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editing, Favorite Books, Good Writing vs. Bad Writing, Self-editing, writing, Writing Advice

Listen up, people. You may have heard otherwise from your sources, but they are wrong. Dead wrong. Trust me. They are as wrong as wrong can be.

I am here to tell you that I know a thing or two about writing. Don’t scoff. I do.

I know exactly two things about writing. Yup. That is it. Two things.

1. I know what I like.
2. I know what I don’t like.

Why is it that since I dubbed myself a writer, I am more critical of the books I read?

“Put down that damn book.”

In the middle of reading so many books lately, I find myself saying to the empty room, or to the dog, “This book is stupid.” I love that the dog always agrees with me. Sir William The Dog gives me a look that says, “Put down that damn book and give me a belly rub.” Oh wait, it was my husband who said that.

People Magazine, that bastion of all-things literary, named The Interestings, by Meg Wolitzer, one of the top ten books of 2013. Oh, please. In my opinion, the only interesting about the characters in The Interestings was that they were utterly, completely, 100%, no bones about it, uninteresting.

Oh sure, it was readable enough, if you have a thing for hyperbole (I have no idea what that word means but I like how it sounds), but I found the book insipid and pedantic (two more words I like but don’t quite know their meaning).

I’m sure fans of the book, The Interestings, are unfollowing this blog faster than you can say Jiminy Cricket. But I’m sorry. It is how I feel. (Chime in anytime here, Audra!) The book sold something like 4 bagillion copies, is a top pick for book groups, and the literary savants at People Magazine liked it. Who am I to judge, right?

I don’t mean to pick on just that book. If I had the time and space and a loyal readership, I would harp on and on about many other books I’ve wasted time reading this year.

My point here is this . . . being hypercritical of my own writing has made me a more keen-eyed, spit-wad throwing, eye-rolling kind of critic of other writing.  Present company excluded, of course.

Speaking of keen-eyed, let’s take a look at this excerpt from that moneymaking machine, Dan Brown.

The Da Vinci Code, Chapter 5

“Only those with a keen eye would notice his 14-karat gold bishop’s ring with purple amethyst, large diamonds, and hand-tooled mitre-crozier appliqué.”

Really, Danny Boy? Really? It takes a keen eye to spot a “hand-tooled mitre-crosier appliqué?” I could spot one at 50 yards.

Back to writing, with each sentence I write, I roll it around on my tongue and ask myself four questions:

1. Does it smack of cliché? (Oops, I believe that is a cliché.)
2. Does it propel the story forward?
3. Are there weak words lurking in dark corners?
4. Does it say something?

I don’t want to waste words or a reader’s time by spewing words on the page that serve no purpose.  None (well, almost none) of the words in The Interestings served much purpose and I wasted precious reading time while I waited in vain for something to happen.

“Hang on a cotton-pickin’ minute, Robin. Are you saying your writing is literary brilliance?” Hell no. I’ve written grocery lists more entertaining than some of my writing.

So you don’t think I am a negative gas-bag who looks down her nose (or turns up her nose, depending on which cliché you want to use) at any writing but her own, here is a smattering, a potpourri if you will, of a few books that knocked my socks off (in a good way).

Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout

Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann

The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy

The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister

Here is a favorite line from Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close:

“Time was passing like a hand waving from a train that I wanted to be on.”

The author packed nostalgia, longing, and regret in one simple sentence and made it look easy while he was at it.

Gosh, I wish I could write like that.

Are Libraries with Books a Thing of the Past?

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BiblioTech in San Antonio, Bookless Library, E-book, Public library

The words “curling up with a good book” evoke cozy thoughts of finding a quiet corner of the house, the company of interesting characters weaving a story of intrigue, romance, or struggle, a crackling fire, and a cup of tea by your side. Or a vodka tonic.  Your choice.

Like my new fuzzy slippers? Photo credit: Chapendra

“Curling up with an electronic device” doesn’t have the same power of imagery.

When Amazon announced the introduction of the Kindle and promised it would change with way we read books forever, I scoffed.

Yeah, right. Books a thing of the past? Never.

How could an eBook, made of plastic, glass, and radioactive electrodes, replace the feel, smell, and magic of the printed word?  There is something comforting in the heft of a book in your hands. Or the knowledge that the dog-eared copy of your favorite book is on your nightstand to soothe you back to sleep in the middle of the night should a bad dream trouble your slumbers. 

Well, I was wrong-o about my opinion of eBooks and their power to change our relationship with books. I own a Kindle Fire and love everything about it. I scoff no more.

Being the great and powerful oracle that I am, I also pooh-poohed the Internet the first time I used our painfully slow dial-up modem. As the prophet of all things technological, I said, “This will never catch on.”

Make note: Don’t listen to any of my predictions. 

Now, eBooks are revolutionizing our beloved libraries as well. San Antonio, Texas is home to the first 100% bookless public library. By bookless, I mean nary a printed book to be found.

According to an article by the Associated Press, “Texas has seen the future of the public library, and it looks a lot like an Apple Store: Rows of glossy iMacs beckon. iPads mounted on a tangerine-colored bar invite readers. And hundreds of other tablets stand ready for check-out to anyone with a borrowing card.” Even the librarians are dressed in “that standard-bearer of geek-chic, the hoodie.”

I thought the hoodie was the signature style of Treyvon Martin, not techno-geeks. But I digress.

Back to the issue at hand . . . think the idea of all-digital libraries is pretty darn coolio. However, I have one caveat. Let’s not scrub real-book libraries. They are wondrous places that offer non-narcotic mind-blowing trips to magical places via storytelling on the printed page. Plus, Marion, Madame Librarian, doesn’t look good in a hoodie. 

This post is for you, Audra!

Now that is what I call a library. The main reading romm of Graz University Library (19th century) Photo credit: Wikipedia

Me and the BBC . . . BFFs!

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Strong vs Weak Words

Hello Blogging Friends!

This blogger slacker has been quiet of late. Much has been going on in the world-O’Robin. To bore you with the details, my beloved uncle passed away in October. As trustee of his estate, I’ve had the phone glued to the side of my head for the better part of three months. While I miss my crazy uncle, I hear his voice in my head and it makes me smile. Rather than being sad that he is gone, I find joy in how he made my life richer for being a part of it.

So, you ask, what made me crawl out from underneath my rock, dust off my blog, and pay you a visit?

My best friends forever at the venerated BBC News gave this humble blogger a New Year’s Day present.

BBC stands for British Broadcasting Company for you Yanks. Along with covering important news such as the world economy, the war in Iraq, and Kate’s baby bump, they featured my blog, YES MY BLOG, in their on-line paper.

Please stop laughing and get up off the floor.

WordPress sent me note yesterday saying, “Your stats are booming!” What?!? I was sure the fine folks at WordPress were still tipsy from their raucous New Year’s Eve party the night before. Since I haven’t done a new post in a dog’s age, I went to my stats page to see what was up. Sure enough, yesterday was a big day.

Hmmmm . . .

I did a little detective work and called in CSI Blogging (a new hit on CBS). The forensics came back and BBC News readers’ fingerprints were all over my blog.

You know how I go on and on and on and on ad nauseam about overused words? Words such as so, literally, really, etc. Yesterday, the BBC News published an article titled “20 of 2013’s Most Overused Words” and gave this blog a shout out. Sort of.

One of the words they cited as overused in 2013 was the word “so.” I did a Strong vs Weak Words post on that very word. Somehow, someway, somewhere, those virtuosos of all things newsworthy ran across my masterpiece of drivel and buried a tiny link to my blog in the text of the article. Ergo, stat bonanza! Well, not exactly, but it was rather a thrill.

Yes, folks . . . turn to me when you want a news source you can trust.

Happy New Year!