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There are so many mysteries in life. I’m a deep drinker thinker, but I just can’t wrap my brain about some things. You guys are smart. A little help here?
When the driver gets off the bus, who closes the door?
Why do we turn down the car radio when we are looking for an address?
Where is all the information on the Internet stored?
What do blog spammers possibly hope to accomplish?
Does anyone own a Ginsu knife?
Who was the first person that looked at an oyster and thought, “Yum-o. That looks delicious. I think I’ll eat it. Better yet, I’ll add a dash of Tabasco and eat it raw.”
How do weeds grow in the cracks of the sidewalks yet some flowers in my garden are struggling?
Excuse me while I gag, but who in their right mind thinks having gauge earrings is a good look?
The list goes on and on, but my last one for you is a really poser . . . a stumper . . . a noggin’ scratcher. Albert Einstein failed the entrance exam for Mensa because he couldn’t answer the question.
Drum roll please.
How can I have the wherewithal to write 76,000 +/- words in my manuscript but I can’t compose a query letter?
That is not Herr Einstein. It is me after trying to write a query letter. Photo credit: Wikipedia
Robin Coyle 
It’s been awhile since I have seen it on the “new buses” but the same door question always intrigued me when I took so many city buses to high school, so one day I watched while one of the buses stopped for coffee. The door lever/switch handle was at the drivers left ; next to the small sliding drivers window. The driver would leave the window cracked, get off the bus, reach up through the open window and operated the lever to the door. Back at the bus barn, they left the doors open.
The real question was why did I have to take 4 city buses to school, when the biggest jerks in school had cars bought for them! Oh well………….
Mystery solved! Aren’t those bus drivers crafty. 4 buses to get to high school!? Ugh!
Um, okay, well, I know that the bus driver closes the door with his nifty little swingy bar. I don’t know anything about a button, so I think Vanessa Chapman has been drinking.
However, despite the fact Vanessa has been drinking, she is right about the radio and concentration bit.
And, I am on the same path seeking answers to query letter writing. Nice to see you here. Perhaps we should join Vanessa in a drink.
That Vanessa is such a party animal! Shall we pop across pond and join her for a pint and commiserate about query letters? I’m packing my bag right now.
I’ll bring the snacks.
Excellent idea. I’m fond of caviar. (Ugh, not really.)
Oh my gosh . . . now I want to know these answers!! Wish I could help you, but I totally SUCK at writing query letters 😦 You have my prayers!
How can something so simple be so hard? Right?
Stop procrastinating and write the query letter. That’s all I’ve got to say.
Yes, ma’am.
Good questions all, especially the last one. Do you know what question Einstein failed to answer?
Pardon?
Maybe you’re teasing me and I’m just not getting it which wouldn’t be the first time I didn’t get it, but since you wrote “Einstein failed the entrance exam for Mensa because he couldn’t answer the question” I thought you might know what the question.
Ah ha. I meant that Einstein couldn’t answer the question about why cant write a query letter.
Ummmm…I have two ginsu knives 😯
Are they any good? Can you cut a penny with one?
I thought about cutting pennies….but I nixed the idea because I’m not very good after I cut off my thumb the last time 😦
And one needs a thumb to hold a knife!
Lol I had the same problem. Lol great question.
So what did you do about your query letter?
I did a lot of research, made sure to include all the details at the very beginning, word count etc. then I put a very short description of the book, without hiding the ending. Then I thank them for their time and close the letter.
I believe it’s hard to write because it’s like someone saying tell me about yourself. How does one put so much details in a small package. 😕 think of it like a tv commercial. Better yet, in your head, you can also break the book into three parts, beginning, middle and end. Then repeat the story, break it down, until it’s small and interesting enough.
Excellent advice. Thank you!
The answer to life’s little mysteries, ah…”The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42.” So there you have it, Robin 😉
Thank you! Mystery solved! Whenever I am asked a question from now on I will simply answer “42.”
@Who was the first person that looked at an oyster and thought, “Yum-o. That looks delicious. I think I’ll eat it. Better yet, I’ll add a dash of Tabasco and eat it raw.”
>> Ok??? Lols! I’ve wondered that one myself..And alot of the others you listed
Oysters freak me out. Why would anyone look a quivering wad of slime and want to eat it!? Gross.
Oh, so many questions you’re asking… My head hurts! I’ll tell you something about spammers. Why do they do it? Because it works, pure and simple. Not with everybody of course, but enough to make them continue.
As for your query letter, I think the simpler, the better. Someone told me once to think about the inside jacket of a book. That is the pitch that should make it into your query letter. The rest of it is basic stuff and should be short. It’s all subjective and that’s the hardest part about it.
Yes, I know . . . elevator speech and all that. It is hard! It took me 76,000 words to tell the story. How do I sum it all up in a mere 150 words!
That’s the $1 million question!
Exactly.
Hey, I think you should start your query with a funny sentence like you do on your blog. But, it has to refer to you novel. It would catch my attention, anyway. Good luck.
I can do funny on my blog, but can I do funny in query letter? I think not. So far, every attempt has been a blah, blah, blah query. How about this fantastic idea. YOU write my query letter while I have a nice glass of wine. I’ll be waiting to hear from you! You are such a dear.
In all seriousness, if I had read your novel, I might be able to give you a first sentence hook-line. My writer’s group comes to me for first hook-lines on blurbs and such, but I’ve read all their works (which is a lot of work)
I’m still trying to figure out if I’m going to throw a pitch for my novel at the writer’s conference I’m attending next month. They are having a “gong show” pitch fest, where you get gonged if your pitch sucks, and then they give you tips on how to pitch. Don’t know if I have the guts to do it, but it will be fun to watch. Unfortunately, none of the publishers there seem to publish my genre. Sigh. Otherwise, I’d consider pitching to them (for $45 a pop). More info than you were looking for, I know, but there ya go anyway. 😛
Oh, a blogger I follow has great titles to her blogs that hook me into coming over. She has a huge following and is getting sort of famous from her blog. I think you probably follow her too. Check out some of her titles and see if that can give you an idea for a hook-line. Aussalorens.com
I don’t follow Aussalorens but will check her out after I post this comment. Thanks for the connection.
I say go for the “gong show” pitch fest! What do you have to lose? I pitched my novel to two agents at a Writer’s Digest conference a couple years ago. It was terrifying but I lived to tell about it. They both asked for partials, which I submitted, and never heard anything back. Oh well.
Query letter…someone is overthinking again. So, drink, drink and then write the damn thing. Clams..nasty. You’re quite the philosopher.
No, you write the damn thing. You are good at such a thing!
I’m fond of clams because the only way I will eat them is when they are swimming in a cream infused soup with lovely bits of bacon and potato. Love those oyster crackers on top too!
Oh I wish I knew all the answers AND could write a query letter. All the information from the Internet, I believe, is now stored in a cloud. However, on a clear day…. ?????
Oh my gosh, Ruth! How lovely to see you! I must race off to find your blog! Where did you go off my radar?
So, on a clear day, your blog disappears from my reader?
My big brother has a Ginsu knife. I thought he was joking at first, but sadly, no. He can recreate the commercials. With great glee. Looks a awful like Mad Magazine….(And he’s supposed to be the smart one.)
Some where there’s bound to be samples. Has to be short. (And they will know query letters are done under extreme stress and are in no way a sample of actual writing ability? I always worried about that …but you shouldn’t! Brilliant. Yours will be brilliant. Short brilliance….Wait! but not short lived!…oh, I quit now)
I’ve always wanted to try cutting a penny with an Ginsu knife. Or my shoe.
I’ve read a million and one articles, read two million and two sample query letters, and considered paying you three and three more million dollars to have you write the damn thing for me! Are you game?
RC Cat: We must object to your attempt at filching the services of Our Staff. In Our great benevolence and wisdom We have tried to teach that money cannot buy happiness, yet …Once the ankle leashes are forged, we promise to unbarricade the closet door. Of course what Staff chooses to do in their free time is up to them – assuming they have any free time.
Besides, in all seriousness, would your trust your writing requests to one who would compose “Help, I am being held host…” Well, We did not let them continue. Like they could host the most simple affair. Now We send an encouraging pat to reinforce that one is capable of winning great battles if they have the will to begin. Yes, you may leave an open can of cat food over there for Our guidance and kind words.
So does that mean you won’t write my query letter?
If you can find a certain mousie with fluffly grey fur, embroidered, eyes, long thick black whiskers, a pink felt nose, and long grey leather tail, RC might be persuaded to loan out staff….she still mourns the one that was mousenapped, and heartlessly buried in the backyard for several rainy months – obviously out of spite – only to surface battered and torn and beyond being let back into the house…then RC might reconsider….no COD’s accepted. She’s firm on that
I knew the answers to the ones already solved. Not!
Why is the Query Letter such a gosh darn secret? It’s like no-one wants you to succeed unless…unless you sell your first child. Sorry. I can’t help, either.
You and Einstein are not help.
Wanna buy my first child then write my query letter?
If only I knew how. When you find out, maybe you’ll rent out the secret to us all.
I will surely share it far and wide!
I’m sure all your blogger friends will worship at your feet.
❤ ❤
Don’t they worship me already? Darn. I thought I had hoards of worshiping readers. 🙂
They do indeed but I wasn’t sure how many did ‘at your feet’. 😀 😀 😀
Ha ha!
~(~_*)~~ ❤
I am so with you on this one! I can’t write sincere birthday greetings to save my life. I sound like a cross between Patience Strong and every game show host known to man.
But I CAN answer a couple of your questions!
How do weeds grow in the cracks of the sidewalks yet some flowers in my garden are struggling?
A: One has the beauty and the other has the muscle. It’s the basis of every romance ever written.
Where is all the information on the Internet stored?
In heaven. You know, in the clouds.
😀
Good luck with the query letter.
Ha! Beauty and brawn. Brilliant idea for my next novel. Thanks for the idea!
I am happy to report that my manuscript is in much better shape than the sorry few chapters you read. I finally feel like I can quit picking at it!
OK, I know someone has now answered two. If you get the others- especially the last one- please share them.Knowledge should be shared not hidden away.
If I figure out the answer to the last question, I shall be singing it from the mountain tops. I won’t need to blog about it. You will be able to hear me.
I used to work with a guy who had a gauge earring and one day he came to work with it out and his ear lobe was dangling on his shoulder. Yes, I puked! (sorry about the visual).
My main problem with writing is doing the synopsis (having said that, I’ve never written a query letter). You’d think after writing an entire novel you’d be able to tell someone exactly what it is about in very few words. Not to be xxx
I struggled with my synopsis too. Painful. I could not find the right words to sum it all up. Think “deer in the headlights.” Then a wise friend who read the manuscript came up with the right words in about two seconds.
Our grocery store makes their employees with gauge earrings wear those earrings that look like tub drain stoppers. Still makes me gag.
Mysteries that I have no answer for. But I do enjoy hearing you’re a drinker. Oh, I mean, a thinker. (Thanks for the laugh out loud. 🙂 )
Nice little new picture you have there! Cheers!
Thanks! It’s a condensed version of my new header. I thought a big vomit of blue color was in order.
I will answer the first two, everyone else can answer the rest:
When the driver gets off the bus, who closes the door?
– There is a button on the outside to close the door.
Why do we turn down the car radio when we are looking for an address?
– Because anything that uses one of our senses distracts the full ability of other senses, so we reduce noise to be able to concentrate (yes, concentration IS a sense…of sorts).
Those were very boring answers weren’t they, but hopefully informative 🙂
Two down, seven to go. Thanks, Vanessa. While we are speaking of driving and concentration, I imagine it is hard for school bus drivers to concentrate! Rotten kids.