Tags
editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips
“Then” was brought to my attention by SubtleKate. Best wishes to Kate as she is having surgery on Friday.
My characters did this. Then my characters did that. I reduced 69 “then-s” to 28. I should give the remaining 28 a second look. If you describe what happens next in the story, the “then” is implied. Let’s take a look.
I joined Sir Paul’s fan club, wire tapped his phone, and then stalked his dog-walker.
Why the dog-walker, not Paul?
I joined Sir Paul’s fan club and wire tapped his phone. The police arrested me when I stalked his dog-walker.
~~~~~
Paul hired me as a housekeeper and then I devised a plan to steal his gold records.
Dastardly of you.
Paul hired me as a housekeeper, which gave me the opportunity to steal his gold albums.
~~~~~
I gushed over Paul during the interview and then censored myself for sounding like a groupie.
I would gush too.
I gushed over Paul during the interview until he rang for his army of bodyguards.
~~~~~
I planned my escape route from the mansion, ran it by James Bond, and then made off with Paul’s gold records.
You know James Bond?
I planned my escape route from the mansion, ran it by James Bond over martinis, and was arrested for stealing Paul’s gold records.
~~~~~
Until then, I wasn’t afraid of Paul’s bodyguards.
You should have been. I’ve seen ’em.
Until I saw their guns, I thought I could sweet-talk Paul’s bodyguards into letting me keep the records.