Boring Details

Tags

editing, editing tips, Self-editing, Show Don't Tell, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

I’ve written about this before, as have many of you writers.

When you write a manuscript for a novel, short story, poem, or whatever, you look at your words with a critical (aka incredibly harsh) eye.

Do the words say what you mean to say?

Do the words move the story along?

Are the words worthy of a reader’s time?

Are the words complete and utter drivel?

As a result of such scrutiny of my own words, I inadvertently do the same review of the words in the books I read. It has rather spoiled the pleasure of a quiet afternoon with a book (or Kindle) on my lap.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. I am reading a book with an interesting storyline, good character development, and moves along nicely. Except, and this is a big except, the author spends way too much time and ink on mundane details.

We find ourselves with our protagonist at a pivotal moment in her life. Her husband cheated on her and she learned that the man she knows as her father might not be her father. She needs to clear her head and think about the implications of these revelations. The author writes of the momentous moment as such:

“I pulled into the parking lot of Glacier Point, put the car in park, turned off the ignition, took off my seatbelt, opened the door, and walked to look at the view. I felt more calm with Half Dome before me.”

Really? Your husband cheated on you and I should care that you parked your car and took off your seatbelt? Honey, what you need is a shot of Jack Daniels.

Being the editor in my head that I am, I said to myself, “So, smarty pants, since you think you are God’s gift to writing, how would you capture the moment?”

So on a lark (you know how we writers love to write on a lark), I took a stab at capturing what the woman was feeling in the face of devastating news.

“My troubled heart longed for the peace that can be found while gazing upon serenity of Yosemite Valley. I went to Glacier Point and uncorked my bottle of wine as I walked to the edge of the cliff. Without having to mediate, a blanket of calm came over me. God’s church was before me and with that, I could begin to breathe again. Faltering breaths, but they were deeper than any I had taken in days.”

Maybe not Nobel Prize winning prose, but I would say it is better than a description of how to park a car. It is the whole “show don’t tell” thing.

If you write about someone brushing their teeth because they threw up after a drinking binge, you don’t need to tell your reader that they took the cap off the tube of toothpaste, wet the toothbrush, put toothpaste on the toothbrush, brushed their teeth, spit the foam into the sink, and then dried off their mouth.

Maybe you should write:

“With three too many martinis under my belt and an unfortunate encounter with Julio, my head felt like lead and my teeth were wearing wool sweaters. After an intimate moment with my toilet while on my knees, I turned on the bathroom light. It seared my eyes like the searchlights at Alcatraz. When I groped for my toothbrush, every prescription bottle in my medicine cabinet flew like hail over my bathroom floor. I really needed to stop drinking and dump Julio, or whatever his name is.”

The point here is if your character drank too much on an evening out, we don’t need to know the color of her toothbrush. We need to know the color of Julio’s eyes. Use your words to tell us the juicy bits.

Is it just me, or do you want to know more about this Julio dude?

That is a view that can help calm a destroyed heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Look what the cat dragged in . . . Robin is back!

Tags

editing, self-publishing, traditional publishing, writers, writing

Hello, dear blogging friends! I have had a full plate with no time to blog or read blogs for some time now. I won’t make excuses, whine, or pretend that I am busier than the rest of you. Goodness knows, we are all busy.

With all good intentions, I stepped back from my blog to focus on finishing my novel. Here is what I did about that thing called my manuscript. Squat. Zilch. Nada. Zippo.

But here are a few of the things I did manage to accomplish:

1. Fixed the crisis in the Mideast. I got the nicest thank you note from the president.
2. Solved the world hunger problem by whipping up several batches of my famous beef stroganoff. That stuff sticks to your ribs.
3. Figured out why the Kardashians are popular. Oh, wait. That question will never be answered.

With all those heady issues resolved, I am happy to report that I am writing/editing again.

My novel was all but finished so why the heck wasn’t I taking it to the finish line? Why work so hard on telling the story and then leave it moldering, languishing, and mildewing in a file on my laptop? (Do computer files mildew?)

So, I dusted off my manuscript and with a fresh eye and renewed spirit, set about finishing what I started so long ago. I did a read-through and was thrilled to find out I didn’t hate it and want to throw the mildewed bather in the trash.

With the help of a dear friend, who has a keen eye for holes in the story and incongruity, I polished the sentences, added depth where the story was thin, and deleted stuff that just didn’t make literary magic. I am forever in her debt

Now the burning question is how to get the damn thing published. Agent? Self-publish? Assisted self-publishing? Running off mimeo copies of it and passing it out on the street corner? The whole process of getting published makes the writing part look easy.

Plagiarizing my own blog, I wrote this a long time ago:

“The discussions on self-publishing vs. traditional publishing and the changing industry are robust with good information. Just when I think “Ah ha! I have a game plan,” I read something else counseling that Game Plan B is better. Then I read another article with the advice that the sure-fire way to go is Game Plan C. And on and on it goes. Without sounding like I am whining (well maybe a little), I’d like to be adopted by someone who says, “Here honey, I’ll handle it for you.” Since being adopted is unlikely at my age, I’ll forge ahead on my own for now.”

Like in Mel Brooks movie, Young Frankenstein, I wish someone would hand me this:

Anyhoo, for those of you who have navigated the rocky road of publication, any advise for moi? If no advise, please stop by this blog for a cup of tea and a chat. I do miss you all.

I Know a Thing or Two About Writing

Tags

editing, Favorite Books, Good Writing vs. Bad Writing, Self-editing, writing, Writing Advice

Listen up, people. You may have heard otherwise from your sources, but they are wrong. Dead wrong. Trust me. They are as wrong as wrong can be.

I am here to tell you that I know a thing or two about writing. Don’t scoff. I do.

I know exactly two things about writing. Yup. That is it. Two things.

1. I know what I like.
2. I know what I don’t like.

Why is it that since I dubbed myself a writer, I am more critical of the books I read?

“Put down that damn book.”

In the middle of reading so many books lately, I find myself saying to the empty room, or to the dog, “This book is stupid.” I love that the dog always agrees with me. Sir William The Dog gives me a look that says, “Put down that damn book and give me a belly rub.” Oh wait, it was my husband who said that.

People Magazine, that bastion of all-things literary, named The Interestings, by Meg Wolitzer, one of the top ten books of 2013. Oh, please. In my opinion, the only interesting about the characters in The Interestings was that they were utterly, completely, 100%, no bones about it, uninteresting.

Oh sure, it was readable enough, if you have a thing for hyperbole (I have no idea what that word means but I like how it sounds), but I found the book insipid and pedantic (two more words I like but don’t quite know their meaning).

I’m sure fans of the book, The Interestings, are unfollowing this blog faster than you can say Jiminy Cricket. But I’m sorry. It is how I feel. (Chime in anytime here, Audra!) The book sold something like 4 bagillion copies, is a top pick for book groups, and the literary savants at People Magazine liked it. Who am I to judge, right?

I don’t mean to pick on just that book. If I had the time and space and a loyal readership, I would harp on and on about many other books I’ve wasted time reading this year.

My point here is this . . . being hypercritical of my own writing has made me a more keen-eyed, spit-wad throwing, eye-rolling kind of critic of other writing.  Present company excluded, of course.

Speaking of keen-eyed, let’s take a look at this excerpt from that moneymaking machine, Dan Brown.

The Da Vinci Code, Chapter 5

“Only those with a keen eye would notice his 14-karat gold bishop’s ring with purple amethyst, large diamonds, and hand-tooled mitre-crozier appliqué.”

Really, Danny Boy? Really? It takes a keen eye to spot a “hand-tooled mitre-crosier appliqué?” I could spot one at 50 yards.

Back to writing, with each sentence I write, I roll it around on my tongue and ask myself four questions:

1. Does it smack of cliché? (Oops, I believe that is a cliché.)
2. Does it propel the story forward?
3. Are there weak words lurking in dark corners?
4. Does it say something?

I don’t want to waste words or a reader’s time by spewing words on the page that serve no purpose.  None (well, almost none) of the words in The Interestings served much purpose and I wasted precious reading time while I waited in vain for something to happen.

“Hang on a cotton-pickin’ minute, Robin. Are you saying your writing is literary brilliance?” Hell no. I’ve written grocery lists more entertaining than some of my writing.

So you don’t think I am a negative gas-bag who looks down her nose (or turns up her nose, depending on which cliché you want to use) at any writing but her own, here is a smattering, a potpourri if you will, of a few books that knocked my socks off (in a good way).

Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout

Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann

The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy

The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister

Here is a favorite line from Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close:

“Time was passing like a hand waving from a train that I wanted to be on.”

The author packed nostalgia, longing, and regret in one simple sentence and made it look easy while he was at it.

Gosh, I wish I could write like that.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 42 ~ “And” vs “To”

Tags

editing, editing tips, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Try to vs. Try and, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice

I was about to fire off a post about my pet peeve when people say “try and” rather than “try to.” “Try to” carries a different meaning than “try and.” Let’s look at two examples . . .

I try and find value in Robin’s blog.

The above sentence means you find value here. You are welcome.

However, if you mean you tried but failed miserably to find any value here, the sentence should read:

I try to find value in Robin’s blog, but it is a vast wasteland of rubbish.

See the difference?

Given my recent misuse of the word “gerund,” I thought I should do my due diligence and research the “try and/try to” issue on Smarty-Pants Google.

What I found by consulting Mr. Know-It-All was a firestorm of controversy over the so-called “and vs to” grammar rule. I’m glad I didn’t trip over my panties on that one.

The rule is mushy and it is a matter of style preference. There are cases where “and” and “to” work equally as well in sentences, but “and” comes across more folksy.

Come to see me after cooking class.

Ooh, what are we making?

Come and see me after the cooking class where I use teaching as my excuse for overeating.

~~~~~

Watch to learn how I make potpie.

Yeah! Potpie! I love potpie!

Watch and learn how I make a potpie with more calories than your recommended daily allowance.

~~~~~

Exercise hard to work off your potpie induced weight gain.

Damn you. I hate exercising.

Exercise hard and work off those extra pounds caused by our caloric orgy.

Brilliant writing here? Nope. Not even close.

But I hope it makes you think about when you want to use “to” as opposed to “and.” Each has their place, but if you aren’t careful, using the wrong one changes what you are saying.

 

Strong vs Weak Words In One Convenient Location

Tags

editing, editing advice, National Novel Writing Month, Overused Words, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing

You pleaded. You begged. You sent me your firstborn child.

I promised. I swore. I vowed I would do it.

And . . . I have done it at last! What have I done, you ask? I put the Strong vs Weak Word posts in one easy-to-find place on my blog. No longer do you need to slog through some 180+ posts to find my words of wisdom. Er . . . my words of editing advice. Ahem . . . I mean my nagging about using strong words when possible.

If I may direct your attention to the left, you will gaze upon a link in the sidebar with the clever title, “Strong vs Weak Words.” Boy, do I know how to turn a phrase or what? Click on that puppy and you will have hours of pleasure reading ahead of you.

My motivation for getting to this project at long last was the blog posts from folks as they wrap up their NaNoWriMo challenge. They are now staring into the abyss of editing those 50,000 words. Have mercy on their souls.

For those of you who weren’t in on this bumpy ride of the Strong vs Weak Word series since its inception, it was born out of my own editing pain. I spent the better part of the summer polishing my manuscript. Whenever I ran across a weak, or oft-repeated word, I poked at it. If the word didn’t dance on the page, I poked it some more to see if I could fix the flat language. And when I could fix it, I shared my brilliant discovery with you, my unwitting readers.

Well, I am overstating my wisdom, but the response from you let me know that many of us share the same writerly tics, crutches, and the tendency to fallback on certain words. I lovingly call those words “cheeky little buggers.”  They sneak in our writing unnoticed and do nothing to punch up the story.

An early discovery of a “cheeky little bugger” was the word “went.” My character went here and went there. She never strode, marched, tiptoed, or pirouetted anywhere. For example, change the words “I went to the principal’s office” to “I slunk to the principal’s office” and you have a better visual.

I plan to make the series into a made-for-TV-movie. Steven Spielberg wants to direct it. Until I can work out my 7-figure royalty payment with Stevie-boy, I’ll settle on working the Strong vs Weak Word series into a slim tome in the coming months, publish it, and then sit on my laurels. Fame and fortune will soon come my way. And yes, I do sign autographs.

Can I send back your firstborn children now? They are eating me out of house and home. And GAWD, the laundry is piling up.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 34 ~ Tautologies

Tags

editing, editing tips, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Tautologies, Tautology, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice

This is the second part of a “This isn’t necessarily a Strong vs Weak Words” post. It is a “Why use redundant words?” post. I can’t wait to see that you have to add. Comment here and I will do a post summarizing your “ack” phrases.

Robin is wise beyond her 25 years-of-age.

Pffft. 25. Ha!

Robin lies about her age. There is no way she is 25-years-old. 

~~~~~

At this point in time, to thank Robin for her wisdom, wit, and wise words, I will send her my first-born-child. 

Rather drastic, don’t you think? 

At this time, Robin is off my Christmas card list.

(Don’t need the “at this time” either.)

~~~~~

I love Robin’s blog, but however, I wish she posted more often. 

Good GAWD. Don’t encourage her! 

I dislike Robin’s blog, however, she hangs on my every word. 

~~~~~ 

Robin celebrated her annual birthday by doing one post for every year of her life.

You know where the delete key is, right? Do you know how many posts that is?

I ignored Robin’s plea for birthday wishes. She needs to take a long walk off a short pier.

~~~~~ 

The reason why I celebrate Robin’s birthday is she means so much to me.

What did you buy Robin? She is hard to please.

The reason I ignore Robin’s birthday is she is needy, needy, needy.

(Don’t need “the reason” either. Add “because” after the word birthday.”)

You know, I’m not “that” emotionally needy. However, all gifts are welcome.

Quick update on my folks . . . Dad is still in the hospital and likely to be there two more weeks. So you don’t have to get out your copy of Gray’s Anatomy (the medical reference book, not your DVD collection of Dr. McDreamy), I’ll keep it simple. He had surgery to remove a blood clot from his chest cavity, a filter was put in his leg to prevent a blood clot from travelling to his heart or brain, and his oxygen concentration is good, even though there is an air leak somewhere.

Mom continues to be mystified by what is going on, but her fears and anxieties eased a bit when he moved out of ICU.

My sincere thanks for the support you blessed me with over the past two weeks. Your concern means a great deal to me, my friends.

My thanks to you . . .

~ Robin

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 33 ~ Tautologies

Tags

editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

This isn’t a Strong vs Weak Words post. It is more like a “Why Use so Many Words?” post. We use these expressions every day, but the words are redundant. The writerly term for the phrases is “tautology.”

If it is out of stock, we don’t have it! (Photo credit: quinn.anya)

According to Mr. Wick E. Pedia, a tautology is “using different words to say the same thing, or a series of self-reinforcing statements that cannot be disproved because they depend on the assumption that they are already correct.

Here are seven examples for you. I will share bunches more in future posts, but I can’t wait to see what you have to add. Comment here and I will do a post summarizing your “ack” phrases.

 

It takes a great amount of time to read Robin’s blog.

Why, why, why bother?

It takes time to read Robin’s blog. 

~~~~~

Each and every time I log-on to Robin’s blog, I learn something new. 

Robin Coyle? You are kidding, right?

 When I read Robin’s blog, I want to tear out my hair. 

~~~~~

It is a true fact Robin knows what she is talking about.

Amen, sister!

Robin doesn’t know what she is talking about.

~~~~~

The one and only blog I read is Robin’s.

Again, why waste your time?

One blog I avoid is Robin’s incessant blah, blah, blah, barf. 

~~~~~ 

Robin wore a dress green in color to her award ceremony.

She looks good in green. Matches her skin. 

Robin’s green dress was a fashion mistake. 

~~~~~ 

Robin approached the stage to accept her Pulitzer at a great rate of speed.

Is the nomination committee on drugs? 

Robin’s speed as she took the stage took out an old lady.

~~~~~

In my personal opinion, Robin is the best blogger on the planet. 

Are you on drugs?

My opinion? Robin can’t write her way out of a paper bag.

Is there any other kind of access? (Photo credit: mikecogh)

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 31 ~ Look

Tags

editing, editing tips, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

Ack! Vacation Interruptus

We were enjoying a lovely vacation day at the cabin yesterday until our neighbor called. Our house alarm was blasting.  The alarm is monitored, or so we thought, so I waited for a call from the alarm company who would then dispatch the Sheriff to check the house. No call, so I called them. They didn’t receive a signal that our alarm went off.

Long, boring story short, I hopped in the car and made the 1 1/2 hour drive home to see what the problem was. Today, I am waiting for the alarm company to come between the hours of 2:00 and 4:00. (Yeah, right. Service companies always say that, and then show up at 5:30.)

But . . . lucky for you, waiting for the alarm company gives me time to torture you with a Strong vs Weak Word post! You lucky, lucky people, you!

Now, don’t “look” at me that way. That’s not nice.

There are many ways to look AT someone/something. (A future post will take a “look” at looking FOR someone/something.)

The look in their eye said they would sell their soul for a morsel of Robin’s wisdom. 

Oh. Come. On.

The evil glint in their eye scared Robin off.

~~~~~

 I looked at Robin’s writing and vowed to emulate her style.

 My advice is to look elsewhere.

I tore apart Robin’s writing advice and realized it was all lies. Lies I tell you!

 ~~~~~

The agent looked at Robin like she was a stalker.

 Robin stalked me.

 The agent eyed Robin and decided to call the police.

~~~~~

 Robin looked stunned when they slapped the handcuffs on her.

I’m surprised. She knows the drill.

 Robin reeled and threw a right hook at the police officer.

 

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 29 ~ Time

Tags

editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing

The four members of Pink Floyd. I guess we all age. Sigh. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This post will have Pink Floyd’s song “Time” stuck in your head. Sorry.

“Time” is one of those words that is fine. But could it be better? Let’s see.

 

I read Robin’s old blog posts to pass the time.

You need to get a life.

Reading Robin’s old blog posts helps fill the void in my sad little life.

 ~~~~~ 

Robin puts in extra time at her computer so her blog is error-free. 

Well, she failed in that regard, didn’t she?

(Did you notice I slipped a “so” in the above sentence?)

 Robin toils at her computer to insure her blog ain’t got no errors.

 ~~~~~

By spending time at the computer, Robin improves her writing every day.

She needs to spend waaaay more time at the computer.

 Robin wastes hours at the keyboard. Her writing never improves.

 ~~~~~

 Robin’s time in writing class was worth it. 

Nope. It wasn’t.

 When Robin signed up for the writing class, her teacher resigned.

 ~~~~~

Robin checked the time so she wouldn’t be late for class.

She should skip class. It is no use.

(Did you notice I slipped a “so” in the sentence above as well?)

 Robin checked her watch and because she was 20 minutes late for class, she drove to Taco Bell instead.

~~~~~

I loved Robin the first time we met. 

Wait. Whoa. Hold on. Robin Coyle?

 Robin annoyed me when we met.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 28 ~ So

Tags

editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Overusing the Word So, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

Image Courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.com

Today’s word to think about is “so.” Not “so” as an intensifier as in, “Robin is soooooooo smart,” but when used as a transition. “So” isn’t altogether evil, but if used too often, “so” sounds like a crutch. Maybe a semicolon is better. Maybe an “and” irons out the wrinkles. Maybe the sentence needs to be two sentences.

I had 109 “so-s” and reduced the number today to 50. The result? Literary magic! Well, not magic exactly, but better writing. Let’s explore this idea.

 Robin’s blog is humorous, so she must be a smart cookie.

 Oh gosh! She makes me laugh too.

Robin’s blog is humorous; she must be a plagiarist.

 ~~~~~

Robin has many readers, so she can’t respond to all the comments.

 She ignores me too.

Robin has few readers and appreciates the one comment she gets per day.

 ~~~~~

 I read every word of Robin’s blog so I don’t make a fool of myself when I praise her profound writing advice.

 Profound writing what………..?!?

 Not wanting to make a fool of Robin, I refuse to comment on her blog.

~~~~~

Robin didn’t know I un-followed her, so please keep my secret to yourself.

Shhhhhh.  I un-followed her too!

 Robin doesn’t know I un-followed her. If you tell her, she is likely to hurt me. 

~~~~~

 Robin is testy, so commenting on her blog makes me uncomfortable.

 She is scary!

 Robin barked at me when she replied to my comment. I was afraid for my safety.

~~~~~

 Robin leaned against the bar at the writer’s conference so I made my way across the room to say hello.

 You can always find Robin at the bar.

 I spotted Robin across the room and headed for the exit before she saw me.

 ~~~~~

 If I could afford the extravagance to do so, I would send Robin flowers every week. 

You do know her favorite flower is an expensive rare orchid from South America, right? 

If I could afford the extravagance, I would hire a bodyguard to protect me from Robin’s wrath.

So . . . what say you?

Help Me With An Editing Decision ~ Round Two

Tags

editing, Self-editing, writers, writing

Photo credit: Wikipedia

If you missed yesterday’s post, click here. I asked for your help deciding between two sentences in my novel. I like both passages for different reasons. Being feint of heart and unable to choose, I turned to you smart people.

America has voted and the results are in. Dim the lights please . . .

Passage One with 6 votes or 14.63%: Back on United States soil, my internal clock could only be read in German and it was a full week before it reset. Back on local time, I hauled myself to the market to buy the Austrian shopkeeper’s recipe ingredients.

Passage Two with 34 votes or 82.93%: After a week of struggling to get my internal clock back on local time, I hauled myself to the market to buy the Austrian shopkeeper’s recipe ingredients. We have a winner!

Both passages stink. Do over, Robin! with 1 vote or 2.44%.

Which one did I write? Drum roll please . . . Passage One.

The biggest complaint about Passage One was both sentences began with “back on.” That was an oversight on my part. In a blurry-eyed round of editing, I tweaked the sentences and left fragments behind. There is such a thing as “editing fatigue.” If you edit/write for ten hours straight, it is time to take a break!

The six voters who like Passage One found the imagery and play on words interesting and that Passage Two is antiseptic. Several of you said the sentences sound like me.

The majority of you like the tidiness of Passage Two. The sentence is concise and flows better. Many of you guessed Passage Two was mine and sounds like me. You know . . . all my preaching about being tidy in our writing.

Context was an issue for some and wanted more information. I chose have the sentences stand alone in the voting because I didn’t want to scare you off with too many words to plow through. I know context would have been helpful.

I tweaked Passage One; time for another round of voting.

Passage One Revisited: Back on U.S soil, my internal clock could only be read in German and it was a full week before it reset. When I no longer felt like a wrung-out dishrag, I hauled myself to the market to buy the Austrian shopkeeper’s recipe ingredients.

Passage Two: After a week of struggling to get my internal clock back on local time, I hauled myself to the market to buy the Austrian shopkeeper’s recipe ingredients

Slow Blog Day, Anyone? And I Need Help With An Editing Decision

Tags

editing, Slow Blog Traffic, Slow Blog Traffic During Olympics, writers, writing

Go Team USA!
Image Courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net

I believe the Olympics are usurping my blog readers. What a slow day for traffic! You mean, watching world-class athletes compete is more entertaining than reading my blog? I never. Oh wait, that is what I am doing too.

As such, this is a good day to do my first poll. Hope it works!

Think of the poll as awarding Gold, Silver, and Bronze medals in Robin’s little writing world.

I have been blessed with a dozen beta readers. Two of which made their comments and suggested edits on hard copy. It took me a full day to read through, and accept or reject one reader’s notes. One of her edits stumped me, and I need your help deciding if her suggestion is better than what I wrote.

Below are the two versions. No, I’m not “telling” which one is mine lest it sway your vote.

A short backstory to the selections is: My main character traveled to Austria on business. While there, she searched for a recipe for beef stroganoff similar to her mom’s. She persuaded a shopkeeper to share her recipe with her.

Passage One: Back on United States soil, my internal clock could only be read in German and it was a full week before it reset. Back on local time, I hauled myself to the market to buy the Austrian shopkeeper’s recipe ingredients.

Passage Two: After a week of struggling to get my internal clock back on local time, I hauled myself to the market to buy the Austrian shopkeeper’s recipe ingredients.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 27 ~ Tell

Tags

editing, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

A signpost for us all.
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Related (sort of) to “told” is “tell.”

We want to write so that we “show, not tell,” right? One easy step in following that sage writing advice is, in small part, to rid our manuscripts of the word “tell.” Not using the word “tell” doesn’t make the writing Pulitzer-worthy and paint pictures in the reader’s mind, but it takes it up a notch.

Do these examples “tell” you what I mean?

I could tell Robin blushed when I complimented her writing style.

Are you talking about Robin Coyle?

 Robin face turned an unbecoming shade of purple when I suggested she take a writing class.

~~~~~

I wanted to tell Robin about a great blog post idea.

 Please, no! Don’t give her more material!

 I shared a blog post idea with Robin. She pooh-poohed the suggestion and wrote about strong vs weak words. Gawd. Not again.

~~~~~

 The urge to tell her more blog post ideas came over me.

 Really. I mean it. Don’t feed her blogging obsession.

The urge to give her more blog post ideas was squashed when my fellow bloggers threatened my life.

 ~~~~~

 Robin wouldn’t tell us what she planned to blog about next.

Isn’t that cheeky of her.

 Robin wouldn’t divulge her plans for torturing us further.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 25 ~ There

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editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

Doing a blog post today seems irreverent. The senseless massacre in Colorado is painful and our nation mourns. Understanding what would drive a person to kill and injure dozens of innocent movie-goers is not possible. I would like to say to the families and friends of the victims, I am so sorry. We grieve with you.

I wrote this post yesterday and in trying to decide if I was going to publish today or not, the graphic below spoke to me, and is somehow appropriate for soothing the pain from the tragedy. With that, here is today’s Strong vs Weak Word post.

Remember our discussion on the cheeky little word “it?” As a refresher, we fall back on the word “it” to avoid using what “it” is again in the same sentence, or one nearby.

Akin to “it” is “there.”

I stop there so often, the bartender knows my name.

I love a good cocktail too.

 The bartender knows my name because I drink exotic cocktails for hours and creep out of the bar without leaving a tip.

~~~~~ 

I found a new restaurant and drink there every night.

Have you considered Alcoholics Anonymous?

I found a new restaurant and the owner kicks me out of the bar every night. 

~~~~~

 I heard a voice in the room but when I looked over my shoulder, no one was there.

That’s the gin talking.

I heard a voice and I spun around on my barstool, but the room was empty.

 ~~~~~

There was room for me at the bar and he patted the barstool next to him.

 The letch.

The barstool was vacant but he refused to let me sit next to him.

P.S. The last two examples use the verb “to be” with the “there.” The issue may warrant its own post! Let me know if you’d like one.

Strong vs Weak Word ~ Part 24 ~ Then

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editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

“Then” was brought to my attention by SubtleKate. Best wishes to Kate as she is having surgery on Friday.

My characters did this. Then my characters did that. I reduced 69 “then-s” to 28. I should give the remaining 28 a second look. If you describe what happens next in the story, the “then” is implied. Let’s take a look.

I joined Sir Paul’s fan club, wire tapped his phone, and then stalked his dog-walker.

Why the dog-walker, not Paul?

I joined Sir Paul’s fan club and wire tapped his phone. The police arrested me when I stalked his dog-walker.

~~~~~

Paul hired me as a housekeeper and then I devised a plan to steal his gold records.

Dastardly of you.

Paul hired me as a housekeeper, which gave me the opportunity to steal his gold albums.

 ~~~~~

I gushed over Paul during the interview and then censored myself for sounding like a groupie.

 I would gush too.

I gushed over Paul during the interview until he rang for his army of bodyguards.

 ~~~~~ 

I planned my escape route from the mansion, ran it by James Bond, and then made off with Paul’s gold records.

You know James Bond?

I planned my escape route from the mansion, ran it by James Bond over martinis, and was arrested for stealing Paul’s gold records.

~~~~~ 

Until then, I wasn’t afraid of Paul’s bodyguards.

 You should have been. I’ve seen ’em.

Until I saw their guns, I thought I could sweet-talk Paul’s bodyguards into letting me keep the records.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 21 ~ Try and Attempt

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editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice

Do your characters “try” to do things? Do they make an “attempt?

If your romantic lead “tries” to win the girl’s heart and fails, that is one thing. But if he “tries” to impress her by wearing after-shave laced with pheromones and she swoons into his arms, he succeeded. Let’s see if some examples help me out here.

I tried following Robin’s point in her blog post but she lost me by sentence two.

There you failed.

I tried following Robin’s blog and loved it.

Gosh, me too!

I followed Robin’s blog and hated it.

~~~~~

I try to learn something from Robin, but she has nothing to offer.

You failed again.

 I try to learn from Robin’s posts and because of her wisdom, I am stronger writer.

Gosh, me too again! We have so much in common.

I learn how to use strong words from Robin. She is so wise!

 ~~~~~

 I was trying to make sense of Robin’s blog post, but she writes drivel.

Failed again my friend.

I was trying to follow the editing advice Robin gives and it works beautifully.

Are you sure we are reading the same Robin Coyle? (P.S. The “was” in the above sentence is awkward.)

 Following Robin’s advice made my WIP Pulitzer-worthy.

 ~~~~~

I attempted to un-follow Robin, but darn WordPress wouldn’t let me. 

 Boy, you must feel like a failure by now.

I attempted to follow Robin and I am glad I did! She is a smart cookie!

Robincoyle.com, right? You sure?

I unfollowed robincoyle.com as soon as I read her last post. As my mom would say, good riddance to bad rubbish.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 20 ~ They

Tags

editing, editing tips, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

You knew it was coming. The dreaded word “they” is related to “it” and “them.” If you missed those posts click here and here.

“Them” is a nice enough word, and because it is so nice, I invited “them” to over-stay their welcome in my WIP. “They” blend into the wallpaper, but when you give them a name badge and a cocktail, “they” become the life of the party.

Here we go . . .

She writes lovely comments on my blog but under the surface I can tell they are pandering. 

She just wants you to follow her back.

She makes innocuous comments on my blog, but under the surface her words are judgmental and mean-spirited.

~~~~~ 

I hired a team to make nice comments on my blog and they did an excellent job.

You can hire someone to do that? What is their number?

 The team I hired to make comments on my blog turned into an angry mob so I contacted my lawyer about a restraining order.

~~~~~ 

My readers were polite in their comments, but they covertly envied my success as a blogger.

 I have comment-envy too.

My readers made nasty comments on my blog, but my feelings were not hurt because bloggers are a jealous lot.

Wow! Can you believe we are on Part 20 of the Strong vs Weak Word Series? I can’t.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 19 ~ Them

Tags

editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

I wrote about my discovery of my overuse/reliance on the word “it” here. I shed bitter tears while editing out about a million “its.” A new revelation was my overuse-run-it-into-the ground reliance on “its” evil twin “them.”

As with “it,” every time I read a “them,” I asked myself, “who/what is the them?”

I own 462 purses and my husband loves me because I store them on his side of the closet. 

He is more understanding than my husband.

 I own 462 purses and my husband is ready to divorce me because I store my collection on his side of the house.

~~~~~

I hide my jagged cuticles and chipped nail polish from my mother-in-law because she makes fun of them.

Do we have the same mother-in-law?

I hide my nails from my mother-in-law because she makes fun of my obsession with daily manicures.

 ~~~~~

 I have many followers and I keep them engaged by writing insightful blog posts.

 We must have the same followers!

I had many followers but I lose 20 readers every day because I write nothing but drivel.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 17 ~ Past Tense of the Verb To Be

Tags

Avoid the verb To Be, editing, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong Verbs, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

http://frans3xy.tumblr.com

Yesterday we looked at ways to avoid using the present tense of the verb “to be.” Today, let’s reflect on the past. The past tense of “to be,” that is.

I know, I know . . . you all know the forms of the past tense of “to be,” but here you go anyway:

I was

We were

You were

He was

She was

It was

They were

Who was

I was sitting at my computer waiting for inspiration to hit. 

Same thing happens to me.

 While I stared at my blank computer screen, my fickle mistress Madame Inspiration, was on a date with someone else.

 ~~~~~

When we were finished reading Robin’s manuscript, our book group banned her for life.

Aw . . . how sad.

We read Robin’s manuscript and sent it to Mr. Pulitzer for consideration for next year’s prize.

 ~~~~~

 She was surprised when she received a rejection notice from Mr. Pulitzer

 Really? Is she delusional?

Robin framed the rejection notice from Mr. Pulitzer because he was kind enough to add a handwritten note at the bottom that said, “Your novel would make good kindling.” 

~~~~~ 

It was a shock to Robin when she realized he meant her novel would make good kindling to start a fire, not that the book is Kindle-worthy.

No need for lighter fluid!

Robin smashed the framed rejection letter when she realized he dissed her, not complimented her.

  Sorry!

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 14 ~ Didn’t

Tags

editing, editing tips, Self-editing, Strong Verbs, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice

Why tell your readers about something that “didn’t” happen? They want to know DID happen. It is a subtle difference, but it makes a difference,

Here are three examples:

My attempt at learning how to cook didn’t pan out.

Remind me to turn down your invitation to dinner.

My attempt at learning how to cook was disastrous. 

~~~~~

They didn’t accept my invitations to dinner after that ill-fated night.

No small wonder.

They turned down every invitation to dinner after that ill-fated night. 

~~~~~

I didn’t try my hand at cooking again.

Phew.

From then on, I ate take-out Chinese or delivery pizza for dinner. 

Of course “didn’t” has its place. You need to use didn’t at times. If you “don’t know” something, you just don’t know it. Saying anything else would sound convoluted.

BUT, while editing my manuscript, when I read the word “didn’t,” I asked myself “Well, what “did” happen?”

Four examples of asking yourself, “What DID happen?”

I didn’t land the job.

Who did?

They gave the job to a bloke named Paul McCartney.

 ~~~~~

I didn’t hear the on-coming train.

  What did you hear?

“Hey Jude” turned up full-blast on my car radio drowned out the roar of the on-coming train. 

~~~~~

I didn’t get Paul McCartney’s autograph.

 Why not? 

Paul refused to come out of his dressing room even though I politely pummeled the door with my fists.

~~~~~

 Paul didn’t say anything while I scolded him.

Did he call his bodyguard?

Paul scanned the room for an escape route while I scolded him.

See what I mean?

Yum! Er . . . I mean, ugh!