Boring Details

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editing, editing tips, Self-editing, Show Don't Tell, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

I’ve written about this before, as have many of you writers.

When you write a manuscript for a novel, short story, poem, or whatever, you look at your words with a critical (aka incredibly harsh) eye.

Do the words say what you mean to say?

Do the words move the story along?

Are the words worthy of a reader’s time?

Are the words complete and utter drivel?

As a result of such scrutiny of my own words, I inadvertently do the same review of the words in the books I read. It has rather spoiled the pleasure of a quiet afternoon with a book (or Kindle) on my lap.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. I am reading a book with an interesting storyline, good character development, and moves along nicely. Except, and this is a big except, the author spends way too much time and ink on mundane details.

We find ourselves with our protagonist at a pivotal moment in her life. Her husband cheated on her and she learned that the man she knows as her father might not be her father. She needs to clear her head and think about the implications of these revelations. The author writes of the momentous moment as such:

“I pulled into the parking lot of Glacier Point, put the car in park, turned off the ignition, took off my seatbelt, opened the door, and walked to look at the view. I felt more calm with Half Dome before me.”

Really? Your husband cheated on you and I should care that you parked your car and took off your seatbelt? Honey, what you need is a shot of Jack Daniels.

Being the editor in my head that I am, I said to myself, “So, smarty pants, since you think you are God’s gift to writing, how would you capture the moment?”

So on a lark (you know how we writers love to write on a lark), I took a stab at capturing what the woman was feeling in the face of devastating news.

“My troubled heart longed for the peace that can be found while gazing upon serenity of Yosemite Valley. I went to Glacier Point and uncorked my bottle of wine as I walked to the edge of the cliff. Without having to mediate, a blanket of calm came over me. God’s church was before me and with that, I could begin to breathe again. Faltering breaths, but they were deeper than any I had taken in days.”

Maybe not Nobel Prize winning prose, but I would say it is better than a description of how to park a car. It is the whole “show don’t tell” thing.

If you write about someone brushing their teeth because they threw up after a drinking binge, you don’t need to tell your reader that they took the cap off the tube of toothpaste, wet the toothbrush, put toothpaste on the toothbrush, brushed their teeth, spit the foam into the sink, and then dried off their mouth.

Maybe you should write:

“With three too many martinis under my belt and an unfortunate encounter with Julio, my head felt like lead and my teeth were wearing wool sweaters. After an intimate moment with my toilet while on my knees, I turned on the bathroom light. It seared my eyes like the searchlights at Alcatraz. When I groped for my toothbrush, every prescription bottle in my medicine cabinet flew like hail over my bathroom floor. I really needed to stop drinking and dump Julio, or whatever his name is.”

The point here is if your character drank too much on an evening out, we don’t need to know the color of her toothbrush. We need to know the color of Julio’s eyes. Use your words to tell us the juicy bits.

Is it just me, or do you want to know more about this Julio dude?

That is a view that can help calm a destroyed heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I Know a Thing or Two About Writing

Tags

editing, Favorite Books, Good Writing vs. Bad Writing, Self-editing, writing, Writing Advice

Listen up, people. You may have heard otherwise from your sources, but they are wrong. Dead wrong. Trust me. They are as wrong as wrong can be.

I am here to tell you that I know a thing or two about writing. Don’t scoff. I do.

I know exactly two things about writing. Yup. That is it. Two things.

1. I know what I like.
2. I know what I don’t like.

Why is it that since I dubbed myself a writer, I am more critical of the books I read?

“Put down that damn book.”

In the middle of reading so many books lately, I find myself saying to the empty room, or to the dog, “This book is stupid.” I love that the dog always agrees with me. Sir William The Dog gives me a look that says, “Put down that damn book and give me a belly rub.” Oh wait, it was my husband who said that.

People Magazine, that bastion of all-things literary, named The Interestings, by Meg Wolitzer, one of the top ten books of 2013. Oh, please. In my opinion, the only interesting about the characters in The Interestings was that they were utterly, completely, 100%, no bones about it, uninteresting.

Oh sure, it was readable enough, if you have a thing for hyperbole (I have no idea what that word means but I like how it sounds), but I found the book insipid and pedantic (two more words I like but don’t quite know their meaning).

I’m sure fans of the book, The Interestings, are unfollowing this blog faster than you can say Jiminy Cricket. But I’m sorry. It is how I feel. (Chime in anytime here, Audra!) The book sold something like 4 bagillion copies, is a top pick for book groups, and the literary savants at People Magazine liked it. Who am I to judge, right?

I don’t mean to pick on just that book. If I had the time and space and a loyal readership, I would harp on and on about many other books I’ve wasted time reading this year.

My point here is this . . . being hypercritical of my own writing has made me a more keen-eyed, spit-wad throwing, eye-rolling kind of critic of other writing.  Present company excluded, of course.

Speaking of keen-eyed, let’s take a look at this excerpt from that moneymaking machine, Dan Brown.

The Da Vinci Code, Chapter 5

“Only those with a keen eye would notice his 14-karat gold bishop’s ring with purple amethyst, large diamonds, and hand-tooled mitre-crozier appliqué.”

Really, Danny Boy? Really? It takes a keen eye to spot a “hand-tooled mitre-crosier appliqué?” I could spot one at 50 yards.

Back to writing, with each sentence I write, I roll it around on my tongue and ask myself four questions:

1. Does it smack of cliché? (Oops, I believe that is a cliché.)
2. Does it propel the story forward?
3. Are there weak words lurking in dark corners?
4. Does it say something?

I don’t want to waste words or a reader’s time by spewing words on the page that serve no purpose.  None (well, almost none) of the words in The Interestings served much purpose and I wasted precious reading time while I waited in vain for something to happen.

“Hang on a cotton-pickin’ minute, Robin. Are you saying your writing is literary brilliance?” Hell no. I’ve written grocery lists more entertaining than some of my writing.

So you don’t think I am a negative gas-bag who looks down her nose (or turns up her nose, depending on which cliché you want to use) at any writing but her own, here is a smattering, a potpourri if you will, of a few books that knocked my socks off (in a good way).

Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout

Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann

The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy

The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister

Here is a favorite line from Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close:

“Time was passing like a hand waving from a train that I wanted to be on.”

The author packed nostalgia, longing, and regret in one simple sentence and made it look easy while he was at it.

Gosh, I wish I could write like that.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 43 ~ Turn

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editing advice, editing tips, Self-editing, Strong Verbs, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing

Okay fellow word wranglers. I have another Strong vs Weak Word for you. Don’t turn away. Please turn to me for help, turn to me for love, and turn to me for affirmation.

Is your head spinning from turning so much?

You guessed it . . . today’s word is “turn.”

“Turn” is a nice enough word. You can have a turn of phrase, turn on your heel or, as I do, turn men’s heads. But “turn” is one of those words that “turns” up everywhere if you aren’t careful.

As per usual . . . here we go.

Robin turned to me and said, “Thank you for following my blog.”

Are you an idiot? Robin is a nimrod.

Robin grabbed my chin with her boney fingers and twisted my face so she could give me the evil eye. She said, “Follow my blog, or else.”

 ~~~~~

Turning her head over her shoulder, Robin said, “I love that you love me.”

You love her? Here is the name of my therapist.

Onion-breath washed over me when Robin said, “How dare you un-follow me.”

 ~~~~~

My love of Robin’s blog turned into an obsession and I thought about her while I was in bed.

Please. Too much information.

My love of Robin’s blog morphed into fearing for my life.

~~~~~

I turn to Robin for advice on all things writing.

That is why agents aren’t returning your calls

Robin is my guru when it comes to how not to write.

Sure, Mr. Roget and his pet dinosaur, Thesaurus, have words we could use instead of “turn.”

Twist

Spin

Rotate

Twirl

Etc.

But why say “she turned her head over her shoulder” when she could bathe someone in onion-breath?

Excuse me . . . I need to brush my teeth.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 42 ~ “And” vs “To”

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editing, editing tips, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Try to vs. Try and, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice

I was about to fire off a post about my pet peeve when people say “try and” rather than “try to.” “Try to” carries a different meaning than “try and.” Let’s look at two examples . . .

I try and find value in Robin’s blog.

The above sentence means you find value here. You are welcome.

However, if you mean you tried but failed miserably to find any value here, the sentence should read:

I try to find value in Robin’s blog, but it is a vast wasteland of rubbish.

See the difference?

Given my recent misuse of the word “gerund,” I thought I should do my due diligence and research the “try and/try to” issue on Smarty-Pants Google.

What I found by consulting Mr. Know-It-All was a firestorm of controversy over the so-called “and vs to” grammar rule. I’m glad I didn’t trip over my panties on that one.

The rule is mushy and it is a matter of style preference. There are cases where “and” and “to” work equally as well in sentences, but “and” comes across more folksy.

Come to see me after cooking class.

Ooh, what are we making?

Come and see me after the cooking class where I use teaching as my excuse for overeating.

~~~~~

Watch to learn how I make potpie.

Yeah! Potpie! I love potpie!

Watch and learn how I make a potpie with more calories than your recommended daily allowance.

~~~~~

Exercise hard to work off your potpie induced weight gain.

Damn you. I hate exercising.

Exercise hard and work off those extra pounds caused by our caloric orgy.

Brilliant writing here? Nope. Not even close.

But I hope it makes you think about when you want to use “to” as opposed to “and.” Each has their place, but if you aren’t careful, using the wrong one changes what you are saying.

 

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 41 ~ Word Endings

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editing tips, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words Editing Advice, writers, writing

We’ve talked about words that have cancerous growths on either end. The good news is, dear writers, the growths are operable. What words, you ask? Here are a few.

Irregardless

Orientated

Preventative

Combatative

Argumentative

Exploitative

You get the idea.

But there are some Mr. and Mrs. Webster approved words that don’t need to be . . . well, so wordy.

I challenge you to look at your words that end with –ical, -ity, -ize, and –ive.

Let’s try some on for size.

Robin is a wiz at doing mathematical problems in her head.

Not the last time we split our lunch bill.

Robin can’t do math, even with a calculator, abacus, or on all her finger and toes.

~~~~~

Is there any potentiality Robin will be Freshly Pressed again?

Nope.

Is there any potential Robin will be banned from Word Press?

~~~~~

Robin utilizes her blog as a place to educate, enlighten, and amuse.

Oh, please.

Robin uses her blog to blather on about inane subjects.

~~~~~

Robin gave me a definitive answer when I asked her to be a guest on my blog. She said, “NO.”

She is funny that way.

I gave Robin a definite answer when she asked me to read her book. I said, “No way, Jose.”

As we’ve heard before, don’t use a big word when a diminutive word will do. Make that, don’t use a big word when a small word will do.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 39 ~ The Order of the Story

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editing tips, Self-editing, Storytelling, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, The Order of the Story, Weak Words, writers, writing, writing tips

As you might recall, I attended the Writer’s Digest Conference in Los Angeles in September. I learned a thing or two and felt all grown-up and writerly sitting among real writers.

In one of the sessions, author Steven James spoke about the “Six Secrets to Novel Writing No One Ever Told You.” One of the secrets was the proper handling of cause and effect in your storytelling. Huh. Never thought about that.

Mr. James said, “Everything that happens in a story is caused by the thing that precedes it.” Huh, again.

His premise is you should tell your story in the order things happen. Why make your reader circle back, retrace their steps, and need breadcrumbs find their way back to the trail of the storyline.

Sure, there are places for a flashbacks and circular storytelling if you are so inclined. But that is a topic for someone smarter than moi to tackle.

It is better to propel the story forward, rather than explain what just happened. The difference is subtle, but there is a difference.

For example . . .

Instead of: Main character did yadda, yadda, yadda because something, something happened.

Try: Something, something happened so your character did yadda, yadda, yadda.

In many cases, it is simply a matter of switching the order of your sentence, or sentences, by using “so” or “and” rather than “because” and “when.”

Let’s see if I can make more sense here with some examples.

Charles Dickens squealed with delight when he discovered Robin’s blog.

Chuck squeals?

Charles Dickens discovered Robin’s blog and snorted in disgust.

~~~~~

William Shakespeare followed Robin’s blog because her words are riveting.

 Mr. Shakespeare is Robin’s biggest fan.

Robin writes nonsense so Billy-boy Shakespeare unfollowed her blog.

 ~~~~~

“You are one smart cookie,” Robin said to John Steinbeck when he praised Robin’s blog.

He must have been hitting the bottle.

When John Steinbeck wrote a scathing review of Robin’s blog, she said, “How could you be so cruel, John-John?”

~~~~~

How about a longer example in a non-Pulitzer-worthy paragraph form . . .

Robin put a shelf up for all the new awards she was sure would come her way because she wrote what she thought was brilliant blog post. She screamed in horror when there was a mass exodus of followers because of the drivel she wrote. Moments before, she was happy as a clam at high tide. Embarrassed, she took down her blog and faded into blogging oblivion. Robin’s post offended many bloggers.

In the above example, here is the order of what happened.

Put up a shelf
Wrote a blog post
Screamed
Mass exodus
Was happy
Quit blogging
Offended bloggers

Robin wrote what she thought was a brilliant blog post. She was happy as a clam at high tide and put up a shelf for all the new awards she was sure would come her way. But her drivel offended many bloggers and there was a mass exodus of followers from her blog. When she saw people leaving in droves, Robin screamed in horror. Embarrassed, Robin decided to give up the ghost.

In that example, the order is linear.

Wrote a blog post
Was happy
Put up a shelf
Offended bloggers
Mass exodus
Screamed
Quit blogging

See the difference?

For the record, I have 148 “because-s” in my novel. I’m off to see what I can do about that.

Don’t forget I put all of the Strong vs Weak Word posts under a link on the left sidebar in case you need a cure for insomnia.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 33 ~ Tautologies

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editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

This isn’t a Strong vs Weak Words post. It is more like a “Why Use so Many Words?” post. We use these expressions every day, but the words are redundant. The writerly term for the phrases is “tautology.”

If it is out of stock, we don’t have it! (Photo credit: quinn.anya)

According to Mr. Wick E. Pedia, a tautology is “using different words to say the same thing, or a series of self-reinforcing statements that cannot be disproved because they depend on the assumption that they are already correct.

Here are seven examples for you. I will share bunches more in future posts, but I can’t wait to see what you have to add. Comment here and I will do a post summarizing your “ack” phrases.

 

It takes a great amount of time to read Robin’s blog.

Why, why, why bother?

It takes time to read Robin’s blog. 

~~~~~

Each and every time I log-on to Robin’s blog, I learn something new. 

Robin Coyle? You are kidding, right?

 When I read Robin’s blog, I want to tear out my hair. 

~~~~~

It is a true fact Robin knows what she is talking about.

Amen, sister!

Robin doesn’t know what she is talking about.

~~~~~

The one and only blog I read is Robin’s.

Again, why waste your time?

One blog I avoid is Robin’s incessant blah, blah, blah, barf. 

~~~~~ 

Robin wore a dress green in color to her award ceremony.

She looks good in green. Matches her skin. 

Robin’s green dress was a fashion mistake. 

~~~~~ 

Robin approached the stage to accept her Pulitzer at a great rate of speed.

Is the nomination committee on drugs? 

Robin’s speed as she took the stage took out an old lady.

~~~~~

In my personal opinion, Robin is the best blogger on the planet. 

Are you on drugs?

My opinion? Robin can’t write her way out of a paper bag.

Is there any other kind of access? (Photo credit: mikecogh)

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 29 ~ Time

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editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing

The four members of Pink Floyd. I guess we all age. Sigh. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This post will have Pink Floyd’s song “Time” stuck in your head. Sorry.

“Time” is one of those words that is fine. But could it be better? Let’s see.

 

I read Robin’s old blog posts to pass the time.

You need to get a life.

Reading Robin’s old blog posts helps fill the void in my sad little life.

 ~~~~~ 

Robin puts in extra time at her computer so her blog is error-free. 

Well, she failed in that regard, didn’t she?

(Did you notice I slipped a “so” in the above sentence?)

 Robin toils at her computer to insure her blog ain’t got no errors.

 ~~~~~

By spending time at the computer, Robin improves her writing every day.

She needs to spend waaaay more time at the computer.

 Robin wastes hours at the keyboard. Her writing never improves.

 ~~~~~

 Robin’s time in writing class was worth it. 

Nope. It wasn’t.

 When Robin signed up for the writing class, her teacher resigned.

 ~~~~~

Robin checked the time so she wouldn’t be late for class.

She should skip class. It is no use.

(Did you notice I slipped a “so” in the sentence above as well?)

 Robin checked her watch and because she was 20 minutes late for class, she drove to Taco Bell instead.

~~~~~

I loved Robin the first time we met. 

Wait. Whoa. Hold on. Robin Coyle?

 Robin annoyed me when we met.

Help Me With An Editing Decision ~ Round Two

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editing, Self-editing, writers, writing

Photo credit: Wikipedia

If you missed yesterday’s post, click here. I asked for your help deciding between two sentences in my novel. I like both passages for different reasons. Being feint of heart and unable to choose, I turned to you smart people.

America has voted and the results are in. Dim the lights please . . .

Passage One with 6 votes or 14.63%: Back on United States soil, my internal clock could only be read in German and it was a full week before it reset. Back on local time, I hauled myself to the market to buy the Austrian shopkeeper’s recipe ingredients.

Passage Two with 34 votes or 82.93%: After a week of struggling to get my internal clock back on local time, I hauled myself to the market to buy the Austrian shopkeeper’s recipe ingredients. We have a winner!

Both passages stink. Do over, Robin! with 1 vote or 2.44%.

Which one did I write? Drum roll please . . . Passage One.

The biggest complaint about Passage One was both sentences began with “back on.” That was an oversight on my part. In a blurry-eyed round of editing, I tweaked the sentences and left fragments behind. There is such a thing as “editing fatigue.” If you edit/write for ten hours straight, it is time to take a break!

The six voters who like Passage One found the imagery and play on words interesting and that Passage Two is antiseptic. Several of you said the sentences sound like me.

The majority of you like the tidiness of Passage Two. The sentence is concise and flows better. Many of you guessed Passage Two was mine and sounds like me. You know . . . all my preaching about being tidy in our writing.

Context was an issue for some and wanted more information. I chose have the sentences stand alone in the voting because I didn’t want to scare you off with too many words to plow through. I know context would have been helpful.

I tweaked Passage One; time for another round of voting.

Passage One Revisited: Back on U.S soil, my internal clock could only be read in German and it was a full week before it reset. When I no longer felt like a wrung-out dishrag, I hauled myself to the market to buy the Austrian shopkeeper’s recipe ingredients.

Passage Two: After a week of struggling to get my internal clock back on local time, I hauled myself to the market to buy the Austrian shopkeeper’s recipe ingredients

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 27 ~ Tell

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editing, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

A signpost for us all.
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Related (sort of) to “told” is “tell.”

We want to write so that we “show, not tell,” right? One easy step in following that sage writing advice is, in small part, to rid our manuscripts of the word “tell.” Not using the word “tell” doesn’t make the writing Pulitzer-worthy and paint pictures in the reader’s mind, but it takes it up a notch.

Do these examples “tell” you what I mean?

I could tell Robin blushed when I complimented her writing style.

Are you talking about Robin Coyle?

 Robin face turned an unbecoming shade of purple when I suggested she take a writing class.

~~~~~

I wanted to tell Robin about a great blog post idea.

 Please, no! Don’t give her more material!

 I shared a blog post idea with Robin. She pooh-poohed the suggestion and wrote about strong vs weak words. Gawd. Not again.

~~~~~

 The urge to tell her more blog post ideas came over me.

 Really. I mean it. Don’t feed her blogging obsession.

The urge to give her more blog post ideas was squashed when my fellow bloggers threatened my life.

 ~~~~~

 Robin wouldn’t tell us what she planned to blog about next.

Isn’t that cheeky of her.

 Robin wouldn’t divulge her plans for torturing us further.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 26 ~ Told

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editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

Hi folks! I’m back from four lovely days with the beautiful Pam. Did you enjoy the break from me? Well, brace yourself for another post in the Strong vs Weak Word series.

The Beautiful Pam

“Told” is another flat word. My novel is in the first person. Much (not all) of the dialog is narrated, meaning without quotation marks. So therefore, “told” might not be a problem for you. It was for me.

I examined the “tolds” and converted some of the narrated dialog into “he saids” and she saids.” However, not all.

“Told” jumps out at you and slaps you across the face. But “told” can also be stated as screamed, whispered, or ranted. Or simply as “said.”

Again, the difference is subtle. Losing “told” also gets rid of an unneeded pronoun. Let’s see if I can make sense of this with some examples.

Robin jumped for joy when I told her I made a pitcher of martinis.

Gin or vodka?

When Robin learned I was pouring martinis, she ran three stoplights driving to my house.

 ~~~~~

Robin kicked down my door and I told her I would call the police.

Smart girl!

I found my can of mace and warned Robin I have the police on speed dial.

~~~~~

She snorted when I told her I was serious about calling the cops.

 Robin is like that when she wants a martini.

Robin threw a water balloon at me when I said the cops were on their way.

~~~~~

The single tear on Robin’s cheek told me she was at the breaking point.

 What a basket case!

 The single tear on Robin’s cheek let me know I better pour her a drink.

~~~~

Robin’s empty martini glass.
Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I told Robin she needs rehab. 

Phew. She does need it.

I outlined the benefits of rehab while the intervention group filed in.

 ~~~~~

When Robin refused to leave, I told her she was obstinate.

 I bet that didn’t go well.

Robin handcuffed herself to the table and I called her an obstinate fool.

~~~~~

Robin growled at me when I told her she needed to leave.

 Someone needed to say it. Better you than me.

 Robin growled at me when I dragged her and the table out the door.

Sorry for the numerous examples, but there are many ways to say “told.”

Also, note the legal use of the martini glass photo!

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 25 ~ There

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editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

Doing a blog post today seems irreverent. The senseless massacre in Colorado is painful and our nation mourns. Understanding what would drive a person to kill and injure dozens of innocent movie-goers is not possible. I would like to say to the families and friends of the victims, I am so sorry. We grieve with you.

I wrote this post yesterday and in trying to decide if I was going to publish today or not, the graphic below spoke to me, and is somehow appropriate for soothing the pain from the tragedy. With that, here is today’s Strong vs Weak Word post.

Remember our discussion on the cheeky little word “it?” As a refresher, we fall back on the word “it” to avoid using what “it” is again in the same sentence, or one nearby.

Akin to “it” is “there.”

I stop there so often, the bartender knows my name.

I love a good cocktail too.

 The bartender knows my name because I drink exotic cocktails for hours and creep out of the bar without leaving a tip.

~~~~~ 

I found a new restaurant and drink there every night.

Have you considered Alcoholics Anonymous?

I found a new restaurant and the owner kicks me out of the bar every night. 

~~~~~

 I heard a voice in the room but when I looked over my shoulder, no one was there.

That’s the gin talking.

I heard a voice and I spun around on my barstool, but the room was empty.

 ~~~~~

There was room for me at the bar and he patted the barstool next to him.

 The letch.

The barstool was vacant but he refused to let me sit next to him.

P.S. The last two examples use the verb “to be” with the “there.” The issue may warrant its own post! Let me know if you’d like one.

Strong vs Weak Word ~ Part 24 ~ Then

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editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

“Then” was brought to my attention by SubtleKate. Best wishes to Kate as she is having surgery on Friday.

My characters did this. Then my characters did that. I reduced 69 “then-s” to 28. I should give the remaining 28 a second look. If you describe what happens next in the story, the “then” is implied. Let’s take a look.

I joined Sir Paul’s fan club, wire tapped his phone, and then stalked his dog-walker.

Why the dog-walker, not Paul?

I joined Sir Paul’s fan club and wire tapped his phone. The police arrested me when I stalked his dog-walker.

~~~~~

Paul hired me as a housekeeper and then I devised a plan to steal his gold records.

Dastardly of you.

Paul hired me as a housekeeper, which gave me the opportunity to steal his gold albums.

 ~~~~~

I gushed over Paul during the interview and then censored myself for sounding like a groupie.

 I would gush too.

I gushed over Paul during the interview until he rang for his army of bodyguards.

 ~~~~~ 

I planned my escape route from the mansion, ran it by James Bond, and then made off with Paul’s gold records.

You know James Bond?

I planned my escape route from the mansion, ran it by James Bond over martinis, and was arrested for stealing Paul’s gold records.

~~~~~ 

Until then, I wasn’t afraid of Paul’s bodyguards.

 You should have been. I’ve seen ’em.

Until I saw their guns, I thought I could sweet-talk Paul’s bodyguards into letting me keep the records.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 22 ~ Would Have

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Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, Writers Resources, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

Would have. Geez Louise. That is all I will say as an intro. Read on.

Robin would suggest ways to improve my writing and I hung on her every word.

 Why? Gosh . . .  get a grip.

Robin suggested ways to improve my writing but I ignored her.

~~~~~

He would bring Robin flowers to weasel more writing tips out of her.

The letch.

He brought Robin flowers and she threw her blog posts into his awaiting arms.

~~~~~

Robin would blush when her readers sent her flowers.

Dead black roses?

Robin blushed when her readers called the grammar police.

~~~~~ 

He would leave me love notes in the comment section of my blog.

Such a romantic fool.

 He left me hate mail in the comment section so I changed my identity.

I am now Paris Hilton.

How awful is this?

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 21 ~ Try and Attempt

Tags

editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice

Do your characters “try” to do things? Do they make an “attempt?

If your romantic lead “tries” to win the girl’s heart and fails, that is one thing. But if he “tries” to impress her by wearing after-shave laced with pheromones and she swoons into his arms, he succeeded. Let’s see if some examples help me out here.

I tried following Robin’s point in her blog post but she lost me by sentence two.

There you failed.

I tried following Robin’s blog and loved it.

Gosh, me too!

I followed Robin’s blog and hated it.

~~~~~

I try to learn something from Robin, but she has nothing to offer.

You failed again.

 I try to learn from Robin’s posts and because of her wisdom, I am stronger writer.

Gosh, me too again! We have so much in common.

I learn how to use strong words from Robin. She is so wise!

 ~~~~~

 I was trying to make sense of Robin’s blog post, but she writes drivel.

Failed again my friend.

I was trying to follow the editing advice Robin gives and it works beautifully.

Are you sure we are reading the same Robin Coyle? (P.S. The “was” in the above sentence is awkward.)

 Following Robin’s advice made my WIP Pulitzer-worthy.

 ~~~~~

I attempted to un-follow Robin, but darn WordPress wouldn’t let me. 

 Boy, you must feel like a failure by now.

I attempted to follow Robin and I am glad I did! She is a smart cookie!

Robincoyle.com, right? You sure?

I unfollowed robincoyle.com as soon as I read her last post. As my mom would say, good riddance to bad rubbish.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 20 ~ They

Tags

editing, editing tips, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

You knew it was coming. The dreaded word “they” is related to “it” and “them.” If you missed those posts click here and here.

“Them” is a nice enough word, and because it is so nice, I invited “them” to over-stay their welcome in my WIP. “They” blend into the wallpaper, but when you give them a name badge and a cocktail, “they” become the life of the party.

Here we go . . .

She writes lovely comments on my blog but under the surface I can tell they are pandering. 

She just wants you to follow her back.

She makes innocuous comments on my blog, but under the surface her words are judgmental and mean-spirited.

~~~~~ 

I hired a team to make nice comments on my blog and they did an excellent job.

You can hire someone to do that? What is their number?

 The team I hired to make comments on my blog turned into an angry mob so I contacted my lawyer about a restraining order.

~~~~~ 

My readers were polite in their comments, but they covertly envied my success as a blogger.

 I have comment-envy too.

My readers made nasty comments on my blog, but my feelings were not hurt because bloggers are a jealous lot.

Wow! Can you believe we are on Part 20 of the Strong vs Weak Word Series? I can’t.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 19 ~ Them

Tags

editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

I wrote about my discovery of my overuse/reliance on the word “it” here. I shed bitter tears while editing out about a million “its.” A new revelation was my overuse-run-it-into-the ground reliance on “its” evil twin “them.”

As with “it,” every time I read a “them,” I asked myself, “who/what is the them?”

I own 462 purses and my husband loves me because I store them on his side of the closet. 

He is more understanding than my husband.

 I own 462 purses and my husband is ready to divorce me because I store my collection on his side of the house.

~~~~~

I hide my jagged cuticles and chipped nail polish from my mother-in-law because she makes fun of them.

Do we have the same mother-in-law?

I hide my nails from my mother-in-law because she makes fun of my obsession with daily manicures.

 ~~~~~

 I have many followers and I keep them engaged by writing insightful blog posts.

 We must have the same followers!

I had many followers but I lose 20 readers every day because I write nothing but drivel.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 18 ~ Take and Took

Tags

Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

“Took” and “take” are two more innocuous words that pop-up while we aren’t looking.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/arts/film/story/2008/05/29/f-sex-and-the-city-review.html

Sentences with “took” and “take” are fine, grammatically correct, and readable, but look what happens when you reword the sentences.

Robin took the time to show me how to use strong words.

 Isn’t she generous with her wisdom?

Robin showed me she knows what she is talking about.

 ~~~~~

I took one look at Robin’s post about strong words and knew I found a winner.

Have you been drinking?

I looked at Robin’s post about strong words and un-followed her.

~~~~~

She took editing tips and wove them into interesting posts.

Scotch at ten in the morning?

She wove editing tips into tedious posts.

~~~~~

Robin’s talent takes me by surprise.

 Or is it gin? Gin makes you crazy, you know.

Robin’s ineptitude surprises me.

 ~~~~~ 

Don’t take the blame for weak writing.

Aw, come now . . . your writing isn’t weak.

 Don’t blame yourself for weak writing. Blame Robin’s advice.

 ~~~~~ 

I decided to take on the job of writing Robin’s Strong vs Weak

Word series.

Phew.

 I decided to write Robin’s entire blog.

http://crazedairflow.tumblr.com/

Ahem . . . Shouldn’t that be, “Run like you stole something?”

P. S. A huge thank you for your kind wishes on yesterday’s post for my daughter’s safety in the Army. Your comments are making today much easier. 

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 17 ~ Past Tense of the Verb To Be

Tags

Avoid the verb To Be, editing, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong Verbs, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

http://frans3xy.tumblr.com

Yesterday we looked at ways to avoid using the present tense of the verb “to be.” Today, let’s reflect on the past. The past tense of “to be,” that is.

I know, I know . . . you all know the forms of the past tense of “to be,” but here you go anyway:

I was

We were

You were

He was

She was

It was

They were

Who was

I was sitting at my computer waiting for inspiration to hit. 

Same thing happens to me.

 While I stared at my blank computer screen, my fickle mistress Madame Inspiration, was on a date with someone else.

 ~~~~~

When we were finished reading Robin’s manuscript, our book group banned her for life.

Aw . . . how sad.

We read Robin’s manuscript and sent it to Mr. Pulitzer for consideration for next year’s prize.

 ~~~~~

 She was surprised when she received a rejection notice from Mr. Pulitzer

 Really? Is she delusional?

Robin framed the rejection notice from Mr. Pulitzer because he was kind enough to add a handwritten note at the bottom that said, “Your novel would make good kindling.” 

~~~~~ 

It was a shock to Robin when she realized he meant her novel would make good kindling to start a fire, not that the book is Kindle-worthy.

No need for lighter fluid!

Robin smashed the framed rejection letter when she realized he dissed her, not complimented her.

  Sorry!

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 14 ~ Didn’t

Tags

editing, editing tips, Self-editing, Strong Verbs, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice

Why tell your readers about something that “didn’t” happen? They want to know DID happen. It is a subtle difference, but it makes a difference,

Here are three examples:

My attempt at learning how to cook didn’t pan out.

Remind me to turn down your invitation to dinner.

My attempt at learning how to cook was disastrous. 

~~~~~

They didn’t accept my invitations to dinner after that ill-fated night.

No small wonder.

They turned down every invitation to dinner after that ill-fated night. 

~~~~~

I didn’t try my hand at cooking again.

Phew.

From then on, I ate take-out Chinese or delivery pizza for dinner. 

Of course “didn’t” has its place. You need to use didn’t at times. If you “don’t know” something, you just don’t know it. Saying anything else would sound convoluted.

BUT, while editing my manuscript, when I read the word “didn’t,” I asked myself “Well, what “did” happen?”

Four examples of asking yourself, “What DID happen?”

I didn’t land the job.

Who did?

They gave the job to a bloke named Paul McCartney.

 ~~~~~

I didn’t hear the on-coming train.

  What did you hear?

“Hey Jude” turned up full-blast on my car radio drowned out the roar of the on-coming train. 

~~~~~

I didn’t get Paul McCartney’s autograph.

 Why not? 

Paul refused to come out of his dressing room even though I politely pummeled the door with my fists.

~~~~~

 Paul didn’t say anything while I scolded him.

Did he call his bodyguard?

Paul scanned the room for an escape route while I scolded him.

See what I mean?

Yum! Er . . . I mean, ugh!