Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 43 ~ When

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starting sentences with after, Starting sentences with before, Starting sentences with when, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, Writer, writing

Thought you saw the last of the damn Strong vs. Weak Word posts, right?

Me too.

I didn’t think I had another one in me. But lucky, lucky you . . . be prepared to be edified or anesthetized. Your choice.

I was 20-stinking-pages from the end of my FINAL read-through of my manuscript before sending it to a blogging friend for copy/line-editing. Then WHAM-O, I noticed something was WRONG-O. Seriously WRONG-O.

When the main character did such-and-such, then the next thing happened.

A lot.

146 of the sentences in my manuscript started with the word “when.” Good grief. The better part of yesterday was spent reworking those blasted sentences and now, I am the proud owner of a mere 21 “when” sentences.

Let me give you some examples of what I mean, and how “when” can be exorcised and replaced with something more interesting.

When Robin finished her blog post, her followers took to the streets and cheered.

Yeah, right. Sure they did.

Robin finished her blog post and her followers promptly sent her hate mail.

~~~~~

When Robin had a power-lunch, she always downed three martinis.

Gin or vodka?

A martini was Robin’s beverage of choice in order to get hammered over a business deal.

~~~~~

When Robin returned home, she poured herself another drink.

What a souse!

Returning home to a cold and empty house, Robin warmed her spirits with another martini.

~~~~~

Enough of that.

The other thing I discovered was I used “when” to avoid starting yet another sentence with “I.” “When” became this writer’s crutch instead of working to find a more interesting way to say what I wanted to say.

When I stared into the abyss of my computer screen, I wanted to cry.

Oh God. I know the feeling.

Staring into the abyss of my computer screen, tears of frustration threatened to short-circuit my keyboard.

~~~~~

When I stormed out the door, the agent chased after me to offer a book deal.

What is the name of your agent?

The agent shredded my offer for a book deal because I stormed out of his office.

~~~~~

Maybe this ain’t no kinda problem for you, but “when” was sure a whopper of a problem for me.

As I have said before in these posts, the difference is subtle, but there is a difference. Try searching your manuscript for sentences beginning with “when” and please report back what you find. I’m curious.

As a bonus for you, trying looking for sentences starting with “after” and “before.” As in:

After/before the main character did this, that happened.

96 of those babies in my manuscript.

Happy writing!

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 43 ~ Turn

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editing advice, editing tips, Self-editing, Strong Verbs, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing

Okay fellow word wranglers. I have another Strong vs Weak Word for you. Don’t turn away. Please turn to me for help, turn to me for love, and turn to me for affirmation.

Is your head spinning from turning so much?

You guessed it . . . today’s word is “turn.”

“Turn” is a nice enough word. You can have a turn of phrase, turn on your heel or, as I do, turn men’s heads. But “turn” is one of those words that “turns” up everywhere if you aren’t careful.

As per usual . . . here we go.

Robin turned to me and said, “Thank you for following my blog.”

Are you an idiot? Robin is a nimrod.

Robin grabbed my chin with her boney fingers and twisted my face so she could give me the evil eye. She said, “Follow my blog, or else.”

 ~~~~~

Turning her head over her shoulder, Robin said, “I love that you love me.”

You love her? Here is the name of my therapist.

Onion-breath washed over me when Robin said, “How dare you un-follow me.”

 ~~~~~

My love of Robin’s blog turned into an obsession and I thought about her while I was in bed.

Please. Too much information.

My love of Robin’s blog morphed into fearing for my life.

~~~~~

I turn to Robin for advice on all things writing.

That is why agents aren’t returning your calls

Robin is my guru when it comes to how not to write.

Sure, Mr. Roget and his pet dinosaur, Thesaurus, have words we could use instead of “turn.”

Twist

Spin

Rotate

Twirl

Etc.

But why say “she turned her head over her shoulder” when she could bathe someone in onion-breath?

Excuse me . . . I need to brush my teeth.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 42 ~ “And” vs “To”

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editing, editing tips, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Try to vs. Try and, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice

I was about to fire off a post about my pet peeve when people say “try and” rather than “try to.” “Try to” carries a different meaning than “try and.” Let’s look at two examples . . .

I try and find value in Robin’s blog.

The above sentence means you find value here. You are welcome.

However, if you mean you tried but failed miserably to find any value here, the sentence should read:

I try to find value in Robin’s blog, but it is a vast wasteland of rubbish.

See the difference?

Given my recent misuse of the word “gerund,” I thought I should do my due diligence and research the “try and/try to” issue on Smarty-Pants Google.

What I found by consulting Mr. Know-It-All was a firestorm of controversy over the so-called “and vs to” grammar rule. I’m glad I didn’t trip over my panties on that one.

The rule is mushy and it is a matter of style preference. There are cases where “and” and “to” work equally as well in sentences, but “and” comes across more folksy.

Come to see me after cooking class.

Ooh, what are we making?

Come and see me after the cooking class where I use teaching as my excuse for overeating.

~~~~~

Watch to learn how I make potpie.

Yeah! Potpie! I love potpie!

Watch and learn how I make a potpie with more calories than your recommended daily allowance.

~~~~~

Exercise hard to work off your potpie induced weight gain.

Damn you. I hate exercising.

Exercise hard and work off those extra pounds caused by our caloric orgy.

Brilliant writing here? Nope. Not even close.

But I hope it makes you think about when you want to use “to” as opposed to “and.” Each has their place, but if you aren’t careful, using the wrong one changes what you are saying.

 

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 41 ~ Word Endings

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editing tips, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words Editing Advice, writers, writing

We’ve talked about words that have cancerous growths on either end. The good news is, dear writers, the growths are operable. What words, you ask? Here are a few.

Irregardless

Orientated

Preventative

Combatative

Argumentative

Exploitative

You get the idea.

But there are some Mr. and Mrs. Webster approved words that don’t need to be . . . well, so wordy.

I challenge you to look at your words that end with –ical, -ity, -ize, and –ive.

Let’s try some on for size.

Robin is a wiz at doing mathematical problems in her head.

Not the last time we split our lunch bill.

Robin can’t do math, even with a calculator, abacus, or on all her finger and toes.

~~~~~

Is there any potentiality Robin will be Freshly Pressed again?

Nope.

Is there any potential Robin will be banned from Word Press?

~~~~~

Robin utilizes her blog as a place to educate, enlighten, and amuse.

Oh, please.

Robin uses her blog to blather on about inane subjects.

~~~~~

Robin gave me a definitive answer when I asked her to be a guest on my blog. She said, “NO.”

She is funny that way.

I gave Robin a definite answer when she asked me to read her book. I said, “No way, Jose.”

As we’ve heard before, don’t use a big word when a diminutive word will do. Make that, don’t use a big word when a small word will do.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 40 ~ Take the “Ing” out of “Boring”

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Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing

And here you all thought my Strong vs Weak Words bag o’tricks was empty. I hate to disappoint, but you are wrong-o!

Today’s fun lesson is all about “ing.” Whoopee!

Think “Ing” = “Boring”

I won’t get all technical on you about the finer points of “ing” words and their role in prose. I don’t do technical . . . I do farcical.

In a nutshell, I am talking about words with “ing” tacked on the end. Sure, these words have their time, place, and two tickets to paradise in writing, but sometimes they make a sentence all mushy inside.

Will a few examples help?

My job as a blogger is to be entertaining and enlightening.

Job well done, Robin!

My job as a blogger is to entertain and enlighten my minions.

~~~~~

I am sharing words of wisdom every day.

Bah!

I share foolish words every day except on Mondays.

~~~~~

I am managing to keep up with Robin’s blog even though she never comments on mine.

Mine either!

I manage to avoid Robin’s blog at all costs. 

~~~~~

Like the next best thing since Strunk and White, Robin sits at her computer offering bloggers writing advice

How annoying.

Robin offers writing advice like she knows a dangling participle from a spit infinitive.

~~~~~

Robin found it embarrassing when WordPress banned her for life.

Thank GAWD.

WordPress embarrassed Robin when they shut down her blog.

If you are searching for unneeded “ing” words in your work, let me know what you are finding. I mean . . . Let me know what you find if you search your work for unneeded “ing” words.

~~~~~

Don’t forget the entire Strong vs Weak Word series can be found under the cleverly named “Strong vs Weak Words” link on the left sidebar.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 39 ~ The Order of the Story

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editing tips, Self-editing, Storytelling, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, The Order of the Story, Weak Words, writers, writing, writing tips

As you might recall, I attended the Writer’s Digest Conference in Los Angeles in September. I learned a thing or two and felt all grown-up and writerly sitting among real writers.

In one of the sessions, author Steven James spoke about the “Six Secrets to Novel Writing No One Ever Told You.” One of the secrets was the proper handling of cause and effect in your storytelling. Huh. Never thought about that.

Mr. James said, “Everything that happens in a story is caused by the thing that precedes it.” Huh, again.

His premise is you should tell your story in the order things happen. Why make your reader circle back, retrace their steps, and need breadcrumbs find their way back to the trail of the storyline.

Sure, there are places for a flashbacks and circular storytelling if you are so inclined. But that is a topic for someone smarter than moi to tackle.

It is better to propel the story forward, rather than explain what just happened. The difference is subtle, but there is a difference.

For example . . .

Instead of: Main character did yadda, yadda, yadda because something, something happened.

Try: Something, something happened so your character did yadda, yadda, yadda.

In many cases, it is simply a matter of switching the order of your sentence, or sentences, by using “so” or “and” rather than “because” and “when.”

Let’s see if I can make more sense here with some examples.

Charles Dickens squealed with delight when he discovered Robin’s blog.

Chuck squeals?

Charles Dickens discovered Robin’s blog and snorted in disgust.

~~~~~

William Shakespeare followed Robin’s blog because her words are riveting.

 Mr. Shakespeare is Robin’s biggest fan.

Robin writes nonsense so Billy-boy Shakespeare unfollowed her blog.

 ~~~~~

“You are one smart cookie,” Robin said to John Steinbeck when he praised Robin’s blog.

He must have been hitting the bottle.

When John Steinbeck wrote a scathing review of Robin’s blog, she said, “How could you be so cruel, John-John?”

~~~~~

How about a longer example in a non-Pulitzer-worthy paragraph form . . .

Robin put a shelf up for all the new awards she was sure would come her way because she wrote what she thought was brilliant blog post. She screamed in horror when there was a mass exodus of followers because of the drivel she wrote. Moments before, she was happy as a clam at high tide. Embarrassed, she took down her blog and faded into blogging oblivion. Robin’s post offended many bloggers.

In the above example, here is the order of what happened.

Put up a shelf
Wrote a blog post
Screamed
Mass exodus
Was happy
Quit blogging
Offended bloggers

Robin wrote what she thought was a brilliant blog post. She was happy as a clam at high tide and put up a shelf for all the new awards she was sure would come her way. But her drivel offended many bloggers and there was a mass exodus of followers from her blog. When she saw people leaving in droves, Robin screamed in horror. Embarrassed, Robin decided to give up the ghost.

In that example, the order is linear.

Wrote a blog post
Was happy
Put up a shelf
Offended bloggers
Mass exodus
Screamed
Quit blogging

See the difference?

For the record, I have 148 “because-s” in my novel. I’m off to see what I can do about that.

Don’t forget I put all of the Strong vs Weak Word posts under a link on the left sidebar in case you need a cure for insomnia.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 38 ~ Everyone and Everybody

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Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing

Everyone . . . listen up. Yes, that means you.

Remember when I wrote about “it,” “they,” and “them?” We discovered together that our writing is stronger if we name “it,” “they,” and “them.” Here are two related words. EVERYONE and EVERYBODY.

Let’s see if I can show everyone what I mean. Or, I should say, “let’s see if I can show my fellow writers what I mean.”

Everyone loves Robin’s blog.

Oh yeah? Sez who?

Aspiring writers avoid Robin’s blog because she babbles on and gives piss-poor advice.

~~~~~

When everybody was seated, Robin pontificated on the need to use strong words instead of weak words.

Gawd, she is so preachy. Damn know-it-all.

The conference attendees fled for the door when Robin took the stage.

~~~~~

 Everyone applauded when Robin finished speaking.

They applauded because she finally shut-up.

 The students groaned when Robin started speaking.

 ~~~~~

Everybody in the room crowded the stage and asked Robin for her autograph.

An angry mob scene, right?

After Robin’s lecture, the police were called in to squelch the rioters.

The trick here is to ask yourself, “who is the everyone?” Can you name ‘em?  Are they flight attendants, pole-dancers, angry writers?

Related articles

• Strong vs Weak Words In One Convenient Location (robincoyle.wordpress.com)

Strong vs Weak Words In One Convenient Location

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editing, editing advice, National Novel Writing Month, Overused Words, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing

You pleaded. You begged. You sent me your firstborn child.

I promised. I swore. I vowed I would do it.

And . . . I have done it at last! What have I done, you ask? I put the Strong vs Weak Word posts in one easy-to-find place on my blog. No longer do you need to slog through some 180+ posts to find my words of wisdom. Er . . . my words of editing advice. Ahem . . . I mean my nagging about using strong words when possible.

If I may direct your attention to the left, you will gaze upon a link in the sidebar with the clever title, “Strong vs Weak Words.” Boy, do I know how to turn a phrase or what? Click on that puppy and you will have hours of pleasure reading ahead of you.

My motivation for getting to this project at long last was the blog posts from folks as they wrap up their NaNoWriMo challenge. They are now staring into the abyss of editing those 50,000 words. Have mercy on their souls.

For those of you who weren’t in on this bumpy ride of the Strong vs Weak Word series since its inception, it was born out of my own editing pain. I spent the better part of the summer polishing my manuscript. Whenever I ran across a weak, or oft-repeated word, I poked at it. If the word didn’t dance on the page, I poked it some more to see if I could fix the flat language. And when I could fix it, I shared my brilliant discovery with you, my unwitting readers.

Well, I am overstating my wisdom, but the response from you let me know that many of us share the same writerly tics, crutches, and the tendency to fallback on certain words. I lovingly call those words “cheeky little buggers.”  They sneak in our writing unnoticed and do nothing to punch up the story.

An early discovery of a “cheeky little bugger” was the word “went.” My character went here and went there. She never strode, marched, tiptoed, or pirouetted anywhere. For example, change the words “I went to the principal’s office” to “I slunk to the principal’s office” and you have a better visual.

I plan to make the series into a made-for-TV-movie. Steven Spielberg wants to direct it. Until I can work out my 7-figure royalty payment with Stevie-boy, I’ll settle on working the Strong vs Weak Word series into a slim tome in the coming months, publish it, and then sit on my laurels. Fame and fortune will soon come my way. And yes, I do sign autographs.

Can I send back your firstborn children now? They are eating me out of house and home. And GAWD, the laundry is piling up.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 37 ~ Strong Sentences

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Strong Sentences, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing

Fellow blogger Laurence D’Orsay stopped by my blog and “liked” my Strong vs Weak Word series. I decided to hop over to his blog to learn more about this wise and astute genius. (Note: blatant use of a tautology here). Since Larry likes me, maybe I would like him too.

I read this on his blog.

“Make your novel readable. Make it easy to read, pleasant to read. This doesn’t mean flowery passages, ambitious flights of pyrotechnic verbiage; it means strong, simple, natural sentences.”

~ Laurence D’Orsay

No wonder he liked me! We are kindred spirits.

Just kidding. The guy has been dead for 65 years. It is unlikely he had a blog. However, he wrote books on the craft of writing, how to get published, several short stories, and one novel. He was also a Los Angeles-based literary agent and critic.

Laurence the author’s brother ~ Lawrence the actor. Sorry, only photo of the D’Orsay family I could find.

The above quote was written in l929. Strong sentences were good then. Strong sentences are good now. Mr. D’Orsay said so. Me too.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. See you after the holiday.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 36 ~ Dialogue Tags

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adverbs, Dialogue Tags, Said-bookisms, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing

You know how I’m an advocate for using strong words vs weak words? Here is one weak word I think you need to stick with. “Said.” There. I said it.

The great and powerful Elmore Leonard wrote in a New York Times article:

“Never use a verb other than ”said” to carry dialogue.

The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But said is far less intrusive than grumbled, gasped, cautioned, lied. I once noticed Mary McCarthy ending a line of dialogue with ”she asseverated,” and had to stop reading to get the dictionary.

Never use an adverb to modify the verb ”said” . . .

. . . he admonished gravely. To use an adverb this way (or almost any way) is a mortal sin. The writer is now exposing himself in earnest, using a word that distracts and can interrupt the rhythm of the exchange. I have a character in one of my books tell how she used to write historical romances ”full of rape and adverbs.”

I agree with Mr. Leonard.

Dialogue tags other than “said” are distracting, and sometimes silly. Take this for example:

“Robin’s blog is a delight,” Madame Weebles smiled.

No one can smile a sentence. Not even Madame Weebles.

Odds are, if Madame Weebles is talking about something as delightful as my blog, she is smiling. Also, think of her as she wrings out from Sandy’s deluge.

“Robin is a sham. She spouts nonsensical writing advice,” Le Clown sneered.

No one, except Le Clown, can sneer a sentence.

Using “said” as a dialogue tag blends into the wallpaper and the reader glides over the word. The words inside the quotation marks need to convey when someone “thunders,” “squeaks,” or “groans.” When the speaker “snorts,” I run for the Kleenex box.

My book group read a worthless book in October. I wasted my precious reading time on a poorly written story and I wanted to throw the book across the room. Foreshadowed promises were never fulfilled, characters were mamby-pamby, and at the end, there was no point except the author had the chance to hear herself think.

The capper for me with the book was the dialogue tag she used throughout. Oh, and her overuse of adverbs.

“What nonsense,” Peter smugly says. “There are no devils.”

So she says bravely, “That’s right. Grandma made up the story.”

But finally he says, with a flat voice, “Grandma knows about devils.”

Really? Says?

“Says” was fingernails on a chalkboard. The only consolation for me was that if she could be published, perhaps there is hope for me.

I think it is fine to use an “asked” dialogue tag now and then. But really, the question mark lets us know it is a question.

In writing this post, I learned that using a word other than “said” in dialogue has a name . . . “Said-Bookism.” I also learned there is a writerly debate over the issue. Some people love to have their characters “croak,” “hiss,” and “bellow.”

Where do you stand on the issue? Do you stick to Plain Jane “she said” or do you venture into the colorful world of “she grimaced?” While we are debating, do you prefer “dialogue” or “dialog?”

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 35 ~ Pleonasm and Tautology

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Pleonasm, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Tautology, Tautology vs Pleonasm, Weak Words, writers, writing

I owe you an apology.  I made a mistake.

I can hear you all gasping in horror. “What? The Maven of Strong vs Weak Words made an error? That can’t be! My world is shaken.”

Sadly, it is true.

I’ve called phrases like “rate of speed” and “at this moment in time” tautologies. Wrong-O. They are examples of pleonasm, or where more words than necessary are used to convey an idea.

Your car can:

“Travel at a rate of speed of 50-miles-per hour. 

~ Or ~

“Travel at a speed of 50-miles-per-hour.”

~ Or better yet ~

“Travel at 50-miles-per hour.”

A tautology, on the other hand, is using a series of words that mean the same thing. For example, “tiny little spider” or “big huge spider.” If a spider is tiny, can it be anything other than little?

See the difference?

For the record, I dislike tiny little and big huge spiders. Not crazy about mid-sized medium spiders either.

The lines of distinction are blurry at times because both pleonasm and tautology refer to redundancy. But let’s not split hairs here.  Think of Mr. Pleo as using too many words to introduce or transition an idea, and Mr. Taut as repeating, reiterating, and restating yourself.  (My kids accuse me of being Mrs. Taut.)

Mr. Wick E. Pedia (a good friend of Mr. Pleo and Mr. Taut) pointed me to this quote when I educated myself on the subject at hand.

“At the risk of being redundant and repetitive, and redundant, let me say that tautology is the last thing children need from their parents, especially when they are in trouble.”

~ Tom Sturges, Parking Lot Rules & 75 Other Ideas for Raising Amazing Children

Tommy-boy knows what he is talking about.

A parent shouldn’t say, “You stupid, idiotic, and daft child. Why did you waste time reading Robin’s pointless, inane, and moronic blog when you could have watched Dancing with the Stars? (Tautology for those of you I lost.)

If a parent were to scold using pleonasms, it would sound like this. “In my personal opinion, it is a true fact that the amount of time you spend on Robin’s blog is a waste of time.

What does this all boil down to? Don’t use more words than you need to say what you have to say. (Better yet: Don’t use more words than you need.)

 P. S. I will sift through my examples on previous tautology posts and correct my wayward behavior.

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• Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 33 ~ Tautologies (robincoyle.wordpress.com)

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 34 ~ Tautologies

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editing, editing tips, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Tautologies, Tautology, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice

This is the second part of a “This isn’t necessarily a Strong vs Weak Words” post. It is a “Why use redundant words?” post. I can’t wait to see that you have to add. Comment here and I will do a post summarizing your “ack” phrases.

Robin is wise beyond her 25 years-of-age.

Pffft. 25. Ha!

Robin lies about her age. There is no way she is 25-years-old. 

~~~~~

At this point in time, to thank Robin for her wisdom, wit, and wise words, I will send her my first-born-child. 

Rather drastic, don’t you think? 

At this time, Robin is off my Christmas card list.

(Don’t need the “at this time” either.)

~~~~~

I love Robin’s blog, but however, I wish she posted more often. 

Good GAWD. Don’t encourage her! 

I dislike Robin’s blog, however, she hangs on my every word. 

~~~~~ 

Robin celebrated her annual birthday by doing one post for every year of her life.

You know where the delete key is, right? Do you know how many posts that is?

I ignored Robin’s plea for birthday wishes. She needs to take a long walk off a short pier.

~~~~~ 

The reason why I celebrate Robin’s birthday is she means so much to me.

What did you buy Robin? She is hard to please.

The reason I ignore Robin’s birthday is she is needy, needy, needy.

(Don’t need “the reason” either. Add “because” after the word birthday.”)

You know, I’m not “that” emotionally needy. However, all gifts are welcome.

Quick update on my folks . . . Dad is still in the hospital and likely to be there two more weeks. So you don’t have to get out your copy of Gray’s Anatomy (the medical reference book, not your DVD collection of Dr. McDreamy), I’ll keep it simple. He had surgery to remove a blood clot from his chest cavity, a filter was put in his leg to prevent a blood clot from travelling to his heart or brain, and his oxygen concentration is good, even though there is an air leak somewhere.

Mom continues to be mystified by what is going on, but her fears and anxieties eased a bit when he moved out of ICU.

My sincere thanks for the support you blessed me with over the past two weeks. Your concern means a great deal to me, my friends.

My thanks to you . . .

~ Robin

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 33 ~ Tautologies

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editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

This isn’t a Strong vs Weak Words post. It is more like a “Why Use so Many Words?” post. We use these expressions every day, but the words are redundant. The writerly term for the phrases is “tautology.”

If it is out of stock, we don’t have it! (Photo credit: quinn.anya)

According to Mr. Wick E. Pedia, a tautology is “using different words to say the same thing, or a series of self-reinforcing statements that cannot be disproved because they depend on the assumption that they are already correct.

Here are seven examples for you. I will share bunches more in future posts, but I can’t wait to see what you have to add. Comment here and I will do a post summarizing your “ack” phrases.

 

It takes a great amount of time to read Robin’s blog.

Why, why, why bother?

It takes time to read Robin’s blog. 

~~~~~

Each and every time I log-on to Robin’s blog, I learn something new. 

Robin Coyle? You are kidding, right?

 When I read Robin’s blog, I want to tear out my hair. 

~~~~~

It is a true fact Robin knows what she is talking about.

Amen, sister!

Robin doesn’t know what she is talking about.

~~~~~

The one and only blog I read is Robin’s.

Again, why waste your time?

One blog I avoid is Robin’s incessant blah, blah, blah, barf. 

~~~~~ 

Robin wore a dress green in color to her award ceremony.

She looks good in green. Matches her skin. 

Robin’s green dress was a fashion mistake. 

~~~~~ 

Robin approached the stage to accept her Pulitzer at a great rate of speed.

Is the nomination committee on drugs? 

Robin’s speed as she took the stage took out an old lady.

~~~~~

In my personal opinion, Robin is the best blogger on the planet. 

Are you on drugs?

My opinion? Robin can’t write her way out of a paper bag.

Is there any other kind of access? (Photo credit: mikecogh)

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 31 ~ Look

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editing, editing tips, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

Ack! Vacation Interruptus

We were enjoying a lovely vacation day at the cabin yesterday until our neighbor called. Our house alarm was blasting.  The alarm is monitored, or so we thought, so I waited for a call from the alarm company who would then dispatch the Sheriff to check the house. No call, so I called them. They didn’t receive a signal that our alarm went off.

Long, boring story short, I hopped in the car and made the 1 1/2 hour drive home to see what the problem was. Today, I am waiting for the alarm company to come between the hours of 2:00 and 4:00. (Yeah, right. Service companies always say that, and then show up at 5:30.)

But . . . lucky for you, waiting for the alarm company gives me time to torture you with a Strong vs Weak Word post! You lucky, lucky people, you!

Now, don’t “look” at me that way. That’s not nice.

There are many ways to look AT someone/something. (A future post will take a “look” at looking FOR someone/something.)

The look in their eye said they would sell their soul for a morsel of Robin’s wisdom. 

Oh. Come. On.

The evil glint in their eye scared Robin off.

~~~~~

 I looked at Robin’s writing and vowed to emulate her style.

 My advice is to look elsewhere.

I tore apart Robin’s writing advice and realized it was all lies. Lies I tell you!

 ~~~~~

The agent looked at Robin like she was a stalker.

 Robin stalked me.

 The agent eyed Robin and decided to call the police.

~~~~~

 Robin looked stunned when they slapped the handcuffs on her.

I’m surprised. She knows the drill.

 Robin reeled and threw a right hook at the police officer.

 

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 30 ~ Put and Place

Tags

editing tips, Strong Verbs, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Verbs, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

You all were thinking, “Phew, Robin stopped harping about Strong vs Weak Words. At last we can read something more interesting than eliminating the word ‘it.’  Thank GAWD Robin wised up and moved on to tell us about her daughter’s Army Basic Training experience.”

Not so!

I have more of Amanda’s letters to share with you but I thought I should mix things up a bit.

I discovered two new weak words. Drum roll please . . .

~ “Put” ~

~ and, “Put’s” cousin “Place” ~

Here we go . . .

I put my fingers in my ears to drown out Robin’s yammering. 

Have you tried earplugs? Better yet, try noise-canceling headphones.

Even with my fingers shoved in my ears, I could hear Robin’s incessant screeching.

These are handy to have to block out Robin’s voice. Photo credit: Wikipedia

~~~~~

I put Robin’s manuscript in the garbage.

Whoa . . . that’s harsh. She meant well.

I read Robin’s manuscript and then shredded it to destroy the evidence.

~~~~~

Robin’s electrifying speech put me on the edge of my seat.

First she screeches, and then she’s electric?

Robin’s monotone delivery lulled me to sleep.

~~~~~

I put my purse on the chair next to Robin’s to save my place.

You know she has cooties, right?

I flung my purse at Robin to keep her from sitting next to me.

~~~~~

I placed Robin’s book on my nightstand and her words entered my brain in my sleep by osmosis.

When you say osmosis, do you mean nightmares?

Because Robin’s words haunted my dreams, I pitched her book out my bedroom window. It landed in my pigsty.

~~~~~

Robin placed a heartfelt thank you note in my mailbox.

She writes the BEST notes!

Robin kidnapped my pig and hurled a ransom note tied to a rock through my bedroom window.

Can you believe we are on Part 30?

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 29 ~ Time

Tags

editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing

The four members of Pink Floyd. I guess we all age. Sigh. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This post will have Pink Floyd’s song “Time” stuck in your head. Sorry.

“Time” is one of those words that is fine. But could it be better? Let’s see.

 

I read Robin’s old blog posts to pass the time.

You need to get a life.

Reading Robin’s old blog posts helps fill the void in my sad little life.

 ~~~~~ 

Robin puts in extra time at her computer so her blog is error-free. 

Well, she failed in that regard, didn’t she?

(Did you notice I slipped a “so” in the above sentence?)

 Robin toils at her computer to insure her blog ain’t got no errors.

 ~~~~~

By spending time at the computer, Robin improves her writing every day.

She needs to spend waaaay more time at the computer.

 Robin wastes hours at the keyboard. Her writing never improves.

 ~~~~~

 Robin’s time in writing class was worth it. 

Nope. It wasn’t.

 When Robin signed up for the writing class, her teacher resigned.

 ~~~~~

Robin checked the time so she wouldn’t be late for class.

She should skip class. It is no use.

(Did you notice I slipped a “so” in the sentence above as well?)

 Robin checked her watch and because she was 20 minutes late for class, she drove to Taco Bell instead.

~~~~~

I loved Robin the first time we met. 

Wait. Whoa. Hold on. Robin Coyle?

 Robin annoyed me when we met.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 28 ~ So

Tags

editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Overusing the Word So, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

Image Courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.com

Today’s word to think about is “so.” Not “so” as an intensifier as in, “Robin is soooooooo smart,” but when used as a transition. “So” isn’t altogether evil, but if used too often, “so” sounds like a crutch. Maybe a semicolon is better. Maybe an “and” irons out the wrinkles. Maybe the sentence needs to be two sentences.

I had 109 “so-s” and reduced the number today to 50. The result? Literary magic! Well, not magic exactly, but better writing. Let’s explore this idea.

 Robin’s blog is humorous, so she must be a smart cookie.

 Oh gosh! She makes me laugh too.

Robin’s blog is humorous; she must be a plagiarist.

 ~~~~~

Robin has many readers, so she can’t respond to all the comments.

 She ignores me too.

Robin has few readers and appreciates the one comment she gets per day.

 ~~~~~

 I read every word of Robin’s blog so I don’t make a fool of myself when I praise her profound writing advice.

 Profound writing what………..?!?

 Not wanting to make a fool of Robin, I refuse to comment on her blog.

~~~~~

Robin didn’t know I un-followed her, so please keep my secret to yourself.

Shhhhhh.  I un-followed her too!

 Robin doesn’t know I un-followed her. If you tell her, she is likely to hurt me. 

~~~~~

 Robin is testy, so commenting on her blog makes me uncomfortable.

 She is scary!

 Robin barked at me when she replied to my comment. I was afraid for my safety.

~~~~~

 Robin leaned against the bar at the writer’s conference so I made my way across the room to say hello.

 You can always find Robin at the bar.

 I spotted Robin across the room and headed for the exit before she saw me.

 ~~~~~

 If I could afford the extravagance to do so, I would send Robin flowers every week. 

You do know her favorite flower is an expensive rare orchid from South America, right? 

If I could afford the extravagance, I would hire a bodyguard to protect me from Robin’s wrath.

So . . . what say you?

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 27 ~ Tell

Tags

editing, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

A signpost for us all.
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Related (sort of) to “told” is “tell.”

We want to write so that we “show, not tell,” right? One easy step in following that sage writing advice is, in small part, to rid our manuscripts of the word “tell.” Not using the word “tell” doesn’t make the writing Pulitzer-worthy and paint pictures in the reader’s mind, but it takes it up a notch.

Do these examples “tell” you what I mean?

I could tell Robin blushed when I complimented her writing style.

Are you talking about Robin Coyle?

 Robin face turned an unbecoming shade of purple when I suggested she take a writing class.

~~~~~

I wanted to tell Robin about a great blog post idea.

 Please, no! Don’t give her more material!

 I shared a blog post idea with Robin. She pooh-poohed the suggestion and wrote about strong vs weak words. Gawd. Not again.

~~~~~

 The urge to tell her more blog post ideas came over me.

 Really. I mean it. Don’t feed her blogging obsession.

The urge to give her more blog post ideas was squashed when my fellow bloggers threatened my life.

 ~~~~~

 Robin wouldn’t tell us what she planned to blog about next.

Isn’t that cheeky of her.

 Robin wouldn’t divulge her plans for torturing us further.

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 26 ~ Told

Tags

editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

Hi folks! I’m back from four lovely days with the beautiful Pam. Did you enjoy the break from me? Well, brace yourself for another post in the Strong vs Weak Word series.

The Beautiful Pam

“Told” is another flat word. My novel is in the first person. Much (not all) of the dialog is narrated, meaning without quotation marks. So therefore, “told” might not be a problem for you. It was for me.

I examined the “tolds” and converted some of the narrated dialog into “he saids” and she saids.” However, not all.

“Told” jumps out at you and slaps you across the face. But “told” can also be stated as screamed, whispered, or ranted. Or simply as “said.”

Again, the difference is subtle. Losing “told” also gets rid of an unneeded pronoun. Let’s see if I can make sense of this with some examples.

Robin jumped for joy when I told her I made a pitcher of martinis.

Gin or vodka?

When Robin learned I was pouring martinis, she ran three stoplights driving to my house.

 ~~~~~

Robin kicked down my door and I told her I would call the police.

Smart girl!

I found my can of mace and warned Robin I have the police on speed dial.

~~~~~

She snorted when I told her I was serious about calling the cops.

 Robin is like that when she wants a martini.

Robin threw a water balloon at me when I said the cops were on their way.

~~~~~

The single tear on Robin’s cheek told me she was at the breaking point.

 What a basket case!

 The single tear on Robin’s cheek let me know I better pour her a drink.

~~~~

Robin’s empty martini glass.
Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I told Robin she needs rehab. 

Phew. She does need it.

I outlined the benefits of rehab while the intervention group filed in.

 ~~~~~

When Robin refused to leave, I told her she was obstinate.

 I bet that didn’t go well.

Robin handcuffed herself to the table and I called her an obstinate fool.

~~~~~

Robin growled at me when I told her she needed to leave.

 Someone needed to say it. Better you than me.

 Robin growled at me when I dragged her and the table out the door.

Sorry for the numerous examples, but there are many ways to say “told.”

Also, note the legal use of the martini glass photo!

Strong vs Weak Words ~ Part 25 ~ There

Tags

editing, editing tips, Overused Words, Self-editing, Strong vs Weak Words, Strong Words, Weak Words, writers, writing, Writing Advice, writing tips

Doing a blog post today seems irreverent. The senseless massacre in Colorado is painful and our nation mourns. Understanding what would drive a person to kill and injure dozens of innocent movie-goers is not possible. I would like to say to the families and friends of the victims, I am so sorry. We grieve with you.

I wrote this post yesterday and in trying to decide if I was going to publish today or not, the graphic below spoke to me, and is somehow appropriate for soothing the pain from the tragedy. With that, here is today’s Strong vs Weak Word post.

Remember our discussion on the cheeky little word “it?” As a refresher, we fall back on the word “it” to avoid using what “it” is again in the same sentence, or one nearby.

Akin to “it” is “there.”

I stop there so often, the bartender knows my name.

I love a good cocktail too.

 The bartender knows my name because I drink exotic cocktails for hours and creep out of the bar without leaving a tip.

~~~~~ 

I found a new restaurant and drink there every night.

Have you considered Alcoholics Anonymous?

I found a new restaurant and the owner kicks me out of the bar every night. 

~~~~~

 I heard a voice in the room but when I looked over my shoulder, no one was there.

That’s the gin talking.

I heard a voice and I spun around on my barstool, but the room was empty.

 ~~~~~

There was room for me at the bar and he patted the barstool next to him.

 The letch.

The barstool was vacant but he refused to let me sit next to him.

P.S. The last two examples use the verb “to be” with the “there.” The issue may warrant its own post! Let me know if you’d like one.