Love, Las Vegas Style

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Valentine's Day, writers, writing

No one ever accused Las Vegas of being politically correct.

Let’s take the kids to “Sin City,” hon! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Remember the short-lived campaign promoting Vegas as a kid-friendly destination? Yes, bring the kiddies to a God-forsaken flat place in the desert where gambling is legal!  (I was under the misguided understanding that prostitution was legal too, but I stand corrected. Sorry Las Vegas locals. ) The casino moguls built video arcades, staged swashbuckling pirate shows, and installed elaborate pools where little Johnny could get an eyeful of fake bazooms. Big Johnny enjoyed that too.

Why travel to Paris, New York, or Venice when you can visit all three dream-vacation spots in one day? And lose your shirt at the roulette table, take in an all-nude male revue, and wonder if you can sneak little Johnny into the all-you-can-eat buffet?

The kid-friendly campaign was replaced with “What happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas.” Oh, and it is best to leave the kids home.

The debate over gun control hasn’t phased Las Vegas. Nope. They embrace the discussion and say, “Heck, let’s use it as a promotional tool.”

I know I am late in sharing this wealth of armed and dangerous Valentine’s Day celebration ideas for this year, but you can plan your trip with your one true love for next year.

Where else but Las Vegas can you go to a shooting range and partake in a “take a shot at love” package for Valentine’s Day? The special offer includes 50 submachine gun rounds. At another range, loving bride and groom couples can pose with an ammunition belt and Uzi. Brings a whole new meaning to “shotgun wedding,” doesn’t it? And a third (good lord, how many shooting ranges does Las Vegas have?) offers hopeless romantics the chance to renew their vows by the “Pistol Packing Preacher” and shoot a paper zombie in the face. Ain’t love grand?

These tempting wedding/vow renewal offers aren’t limited to Valentine’s Day. The shooting ranges will take your money any day in exchange for a chance to pose with your blushing bride while you hold an AK-47.

Or, if love isn’t in the air for you, you can shoot a fully automatic weapon at your ex-wife’s photograph. Nice.

Let’s not get into a heated debate about gun control here. Let’s just stand back, scratch our heads, and say in unison, “Are you freaking kidding me?”

Related articles

• As others pull back, Vegas amps up gun promotions (sacbee.com)

Valentine’s Day Traditions

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Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Beer Contest, writers, writing

Aren’t holiday traditions grand?

Like leaving Christmas cookies out for Santa, and carrots for his reindeer on Christmas Eve. Santa always stops at the Coyle house because we also leave him a shot of Jack to warm his cockles, whatever those are.

Or dying two dozen Easter Eggs, staging an Easter Egg hunt in the backyard, and recovering only 23 eggs.

Then there is always the bewitching evening of carving Halloween pumpkins at the kitchen table and my annual fear of having to make a trip to the emergency room to reattach a severed finger or two.

Around Chez Coyle, Valentine’s Day is also rich in tradition. Ever since our three girls could say “Balentime’s Day,” my husband would get up before anyone was stirring and put together a breakfast extravaganza. The family party included heart-shaped pancakes, flowers and balloons at every place at the table, the candles lit, See’s candy, and a book. The books were always a classic. I love that man for good reason.

When our oldest daughter went off to college, she said in a wistful voice with a far-off look in her eye, “You know what I’m going to miss most about home?”

My mind raced through a myriad of possibilities.

1. My warm embrace.
2. Sleeping in her own bed in her room that looks more like a war zone than an inhabitable space.
3. My home cooked meals.
4. Gas money.
5. Being grounded for two weeks after going to a beer bash.

Nope . . . none of the above. She said (cue far-off look), “Dad’s Valentine’s Day breakfasts.”

Now that the girls are scattered in three different states and because heart-shaped pancakes don’t ship well, my husband sends them a mini-celebration that always includes See’s chocolate hearts and cash.

Last year he started a new Coyle Valentine’s tradition. In addition to candy and money, he issued a challenge.

“Cool beer in cool places . . . take some of this money, buy an interesting beer, and take a photo of yourself drinking the beer in a cool place.  Submit your photographs and I will judge the competition.”

My husband is the only guy I know who can take the day to celebrate love and romance and turn it into a cutthroat competition.

What do the girls make of this? They are all over it. The deadline to enter the contest is next weekend and I’ll post the photos once the battle is over.

I thought you might like to see last year’s entries.

Daughter One: On stage at a comedy club in Los Angeles. No, she isn’t a stand-up comedian but was dating one at the time.

Daughter Two: Snowboarding in Vail. Yes, she is a snowboarder.

Daughter Three: Fishing the Snake River in Boise. Yes, she is an angler. And beer brewer.

Husband: Striking a goofy pose in the backyard of Chez Coyle.

Happy Valentine’s Day folks!

Maybe I Should Write A Beer Blog

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beer, blogging, Valentine's Day

My husband is the only person I know who can turn Valentine’s Day into a beer-drinking contest. We have three girls who are now all grown up. Ever since they were little, he treated them like princesses on Valentine’s Day. They would wake up to heart-shaped pancakes, balloons tied to their chairs, candy and flowers at each place, AND a classic book such as Of Mice and Men. When our oldest went off to college, she said with a wistful sigh, “I am going to miss Dad’s Valentine’s Days the most.” I tried to not take it personally.

This year he sent them each a Valentine’s card with a new $100 bill tucked inside. He wrote on the card, “The challenge is on. See who can find the coolest beer and the coolest place to drink it. Submit your photo to the judges.”

My husband is making a goofy face in our backyard. One kid is fishing on the Snake River is Boise, one is snowboarding in Vail, and the other is on the stage of a comedy club in Los Angeles. And no, she isn’t a stand-up comedian.

What a crack-up. Here is a collage of the photos:

Why am I telling you all this? Because . . . it is interesting that the beer-drinking collage got about a billion “Likes” on Facebook but some of my well-crafted, thought-provoking, and imaginative blog posts got six views. Go figure. Maybe I should blog about beer.