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These puns made the email rounds a while ago, but since I forgot to buy a Father’s Day present for you, I am re-gifting. Be prepared to groan.
Happy Father’s Day! Give your dad a hug from me.
Puns for Educated Minds
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole was found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, “Keep off the Grass.”
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you’d be in Seine .
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looked at him and said, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turned to the other and said “Dam!”
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One said, “I’ve lost my electron.”
The other said, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did . . .
27. Gandhi walked barefoot, and he fasted a lot which leads toill health and bad breath – Gandhi was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis. ~ Credit to Lynne Ayers.
On a serious note, Happy Father’s day to the best father on the planet. I love you honey!
Reblogged this on Peter Nitty Journal.
Hilarious and I so needed a good laugh today.
Punny stuff, eh?
It’s too early in the morning for puns, but I will admit that I am both laughing and groaning at the same time.
As puns go, these are pretty smart. Smart or not, they are still groaners!
These are hilarious! Thanks for sharing!
You betcha!
Okay, I’ll admit it, I had to read 10. twice to figure it out…. a bit slow this morning. Good Stuff 🙂
#10 isn’t one of the better puns so you are allowed.
I finally did get it, it just took me longer…
What a handsome guy! And AWESOME father!
Yup. He is both of those things.
Thanks for the laughs!
You are welcome. I wish I could be so witty.
I love puns! I know you already have one but here’s another award: http://thewitcontinuum.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/monday-2/ Happy to have found an inspiring fellow writer!
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These are funny. I like 11, and 15 the best 🙂
Yup – those are doozies.
Ghandi walked barefoot, and he fasted a lot which leads toill health and bad breath – Ghandi was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis
Loved all of these but No. 7 made me snort out loud. 🙂
Your Gandhi joke made ME snort out loud. In case it is missed in the comment section, I’m adding it to the list!
Yay, I made you snort! 🙂
It wasn’t pretty.
Two thumbs up for this ‘She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.’ brilliant 🙂
The word play is clever. Made me giggle.
Only the coolest of us get yellow ball caps. Love mine.
I bet you look good in it.
lol 🙂
Aaah, Dad Jokes for Fathers Day. Nice choice 🙂
I wasn’t going to post today but when I received an email with those puns I thought, PERFECT! A post written for me and it is funny!
These are classic! Love them. 🙂
They are so bad, they are good!
And for me, they’re a good laugh to wind DOWN the day at 8:45 EDT. 🙂
Ah, back to work tomorrow. Sigh. At least I did do some revision work today. 🙂
What did you revise? A “just,” “it,” or “had” by chance?
I’m not that far yet. 🙂 I’m in scene revisions and replacements. 🙂
Oh, those are great! I especially loved #20 and #24. 🙂
I agree, but I think my favorite is “linoleum blownapart.” HA!
I laughed out loud starting at Sir Cumference.
And “weapon of math disruption.” Someone smart put this together. My kind of humor, but stuff I couldn’t come up with. Oops. I used the word “stuff.” Oh, who cares. It is Father’s Day.
We celebrate father’s day in September. Isn’t that interesting. Maybe so it’s not so close to mother’s day.
These had me giggling into my tea.
And Mother’s Day in April, right?
I giggled in my scotch, I mean tea, too.
Hi,
A great way to start off the day, still having morning coffee here in Oz. 🙂
My favourite ones, 3 – 8 – 9 – 22 and 24.
A great Father’s Day post.
Love your picks. #22 is a favorite of mine too. But DAM, they all crack me up!
I lost it at the envelope and stationary. I like that one.
Ha ha! Me too. I love a good pun. These are brilliant!
Oh I love these!
Numbers 13 and 26 made me LOL..ha
Thanks for the early morning giggles..now I can go to bed smiling..*he he*
Now where do you live that it is early morning? It is 4:30 in the afternoon here.
Yup. They are a crack-up. Bad, but funny.
That’s what makes them so much fun – they creak into a perfect fit, each one. Fun way to start the day, Robin.
Weird. Comment replies ending up in the wrong place. Ah me.
It was probably me, dear. Whatever = loved them:)
I’m in Portugal..lol 🙂
I’m doing a study abroad exchange..Otherwise I’m originally from the UK..which weirdly has no time difference..strange..hmm…
I think I knew that you are in Portugal. Sorry, slipped my mind.
lol..thats fine!