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These puns made the email rounds a while ago, but since I forgot to buy a Father’s Day present for you, I am re-gifting. Be prepared to groan.
Happy Father’s Day! Give your dad a hug from me.
Puns for Educated Minds
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole was found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, “Keep off the Grass.”
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you’d be in Seine .
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looked at him and said, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turned to the other and said “Dam!”
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One said, “I’ve lost my electron.”
The other said, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did . . .
27. Gandhi walked barefoot, and he fasted a lot which leads toill health and bad breath – Gandhi was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis. ~ Credit to Lynne Ayers.
On a serious note, Happy Father’s day to the best father on the planet. I love you honey!
nemglimgiltewild1971 said:
Reblogged this on Peter Nitty Journal.
Tess Kann said:
Hilarious and I so needed a good laugh today.
robincoyle said:
Punny stuff, eh?
Russel Ray Photos said:
It’s too early in the morning for puns, but I will admit that I am both laughing and groaning at the same time.
robincoyle said:
As puns go, these are pretty smart. Smart or not, they are still groaners!
allthingsboys said:
These are hilarious! Thanks for sharing!
robincoyle said:
You betcha!
kzackuslheureux said:
Okay, I’ll admit it, I had to read 10. twice to figure it out…. a bit slow this morning. Good Stuff 🙂
robincoyle said:
#10 isn’t one of the better puns so you are allowed.
kzackuslheureux said:
I finally did get it, it just took me longer…
paigecoyle said:
What a handsome guy! And AWESOME father!
robincoyle said:
Yup. He is both of those things.
Saint Stay At Home said:
Thanks for the laughs!
robincoyle said:
You are welcome. I wish I could be so witty.
thewitcontinuum said:
I love puns! I know you already have one but here’s another award: http://thewitcontinuum.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/monday-2/ Happy to have found an inspiring fellow writer!
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Elliot said:
These are funny. I like 11, and 15 the best 🙂
robincoyle said:
Yup – those are doozies.
Lynne Ayers said:
Ghandi walked barefoot, and he fasted a lot which leads toill health and bad breath – Ghandi was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis
Loved all of these but No. 7 made me snort out loud. 🙂
robincoyle said:
Your Gandhi joke made ME snort out loud. In case it is missed in the comment section, I’m adding it to the list!
Lynne Ayers said:
Yay, I made you snort! 🙂
robincoyle said:
It wasn’t pretty.
ahamin said:
Two thumbs up for this ‘She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.’ brilliant 🙂
robincoyle said:
The word play is clever. Made me giggle.
omawarisan said:
Only the coolest of us get yellow ball caps. Love mine.
robincoyle said:
I bet you look good in it.
maggiemyklebust said:
lol 🙂
EllaDee said:
Aaah, Dad Jokes for Fathers Day. Nice choice 🙂
robincoyle said:
I wasn’t going to post today but when I received an email with those puns I thought, PERFECT! A post written for me and it is funny!
katkasia said:
These are classic! Love them. 🙂
robincoyle said:
They are so bad, they are good!
jmmcdowell said:
And for me, they’re a good laugh to wind DOWN the day at 8:45 EDT. 🙂
Ah, back to work tomorrow. Sigh. At least I did do some revision work today. 🙂
robincoyle said:
What did you revise? A “just,” “it,” or “had” by chance?
jmmcdowell said:
I’m not that far yet. 🙂 I’m in scene revisions and replacements. 🙂
crubin said:
Oh, those are great! I especially loved #20 and #24. 🙂
robincoyle said:
I agree, but I think my favorite is “linoleum blownapart.” HA!
Madame Weebles said:
I laughed out loud starting at Sir Cumference.
robincoyle said:
And “weapon of math disruption.” Someone smart put this together. My kind of humor, but stuff I couldn’t come up with. Oops. I used the word “stuff.” Oh, who cares. It is Father’s Day.
IntrovertedSarah said:
We celebrate father’s day in September. Isn’t that interesting. Maybe so it’s not so close to mother’s day.
These had me giggling into my tea.
robincoyle said:
And Mother’s Day in April, right?
I giggled in my scotch, I mean tea, too.
magsx2 said:
Hi,
A great way to start off the day, still having morning coffee here in Oz. 🙂
My favourite ones, 3 – 8 – 9 – 22 and 24.
A great Father’s Day post.
robincoyle said:
Love your picks. #22 is a favorite of mine too. But DAM, they all crack me up!
Commander said:
I lost it at the envelope and stationary. I like that one.
robincoyle said:
Ha ha! Me too. I love a good pun. These are brilliant!
originalapplejunkie said:
Oh I love these!
Numbers 13 and 26 made me LOL..ha
Thanks for the early morning giggles..now I can go to bed smiling..*he he*
robincoyle said:
Now where do you live that it is early morning? It is 4:30 in the afternoon here.
Yup. They are a crack-up. Bad, but funny.
The Wanderlust Gene said:
That’s what makes them so much fun – they creak into a perfect fit, each one. Fun way to start the day, Robin.
robincoyle said:
Weird. Comment replies ending up in the wrong place. Ah me.
The Wanderlust Gene said:
It was probably me, dear. Whatever = loved them:)
originalapplejunkie said:
I’m in Portugal..lol 🙂
I’m doing a study abroad exchange..Otherwise I’m originally from the UK..which weirdly has no time difference..strange..hmm…
robincoyle said:
I think I knew that you are in Portugal. Sorry, slipped my mind.
originalapplejunkie said:
lol..thats fine!